I kept having dreams about us Doing every day normal things Running errands Walking our dogs Going to parties Visiting families Making dinner They were happy dreams Dreams of our future Beautiful dreams about us And then When it became obvious that we were ending I started to wonder If in a different timeline In a different universe That you and I got to live that beautiful life together For fifty years . . . I like to think that In most of the timelines out there

Day 4 I am back in Oregon, And nothing feels right. It feels like I am trapped in a bad dream. Everything here is exactly the same, Just slightly different—not quite right. The colors are off. The noises have new frequencies. The smells are wonky. Even the house felt strange to walk into, like things were out of place. My brother having a normal conversation with me feels weird. Nothing is normal. Nothing is fine. Nothing is alright. She’s not coming back. We are done.

I fucked this up I wasn't good enough I rushed us I didn't trust I gave into fears And I was insecure I was jealous And terrified I knew what was going to happen And I did it anyway I was too clingy And I cared too much I wasn't patient I wasn't understanding I was demanding I was afraid I fucked this all up And it's all on me I’d love to blame her But I can’t do that I was too eager Too open Too fast to love I was too desperate for her A sad little man I cried my eye

What is the poison for the romantics, my love? . . . That’s right. So don't feed me any of it unless you mean it. Unless you really fucking mean it. Don’t feed me a single drop of hope. Just don’t. CH 12/17/25

I miss her terribly. And I ache for her. I long to give her a hug; One of those hugs that stops time, And calms the heart. One of those hugs that makes your forget where you are, And consumes you entirely. One of those hugs that reminds you of who you are with, And why you need them. Yeah . . . I want a damn hug from her, Because I am breaking, And she broke me. So she is the only one that can fix me. I want one of thos

I’d like to change the script. We need a rewrite. This can’t be where our story goes. This can’t be how it ends. No. We need a rewrite. A new story, with a happy ending. Not another tragic comedy. The main character deserves a happy ending, doesn't he? People can’t handle this much tragedy. Yeah, I don’t like this one anymore. It hurts too much. It’s too real. It’s too raw. There is no escapism in it. It reminds you too much of what the world is, and doesn’t allow you to get

I don’t know if I’ll be able to leave If I have to look you in the eye when we say goodbye. So, I might write you a letter, And do an Irish goodbye. Yes, that might be better . . . I just don’t know if I’ll be able to let you go When we hug for the final time. I don’t know If I’ll be able to let go When I hug you for the final time . . . CH 12/16/25

I’m driving 105 on the highway Still high today I ran out of audiobooks So sad love songs play When will these tears stop falling? All I hope is that she is okay I'm in pieces And have so much road to go I shouldn't have left Now she's alone in our home A mess I've almost turned around a hundred times Stuck in my own mind Hopefully time heals us Hopefully one day we can trust I pray That one day She’ll find her way back to me I just hope I'm the same man when that ha

The first night, I stayed up shaking. I could stop myself when I concentrated— When I got myself to stop thinking about her— Which took tremendous effort to do— And I could only manage for a few seconds at a time— But eventually, I fell asleep. The second night, I wrote shitty poems about it; Which, Who the hell knows if that even helps anymore? And I got really high; Which, Who the hell knows if that even helps anymore? Tomorrow, I should make it back to home, But, for fu

Driving to her was the easiest choice of my life. And, Driving away from her is the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do . . . She wants to own a bookstore some day. I think I’ll build one for her, And wait . . . I don’t know if I am strong enough to leave. I’d rather believe That some day, In some way, We will be together again. Yes, I’d rather live in a convenient delusion, Then accept our fate. . . . Please excus

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love, but then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer...not to love is to suffer.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, just roll the damn credits. “How lucky we are, to have loved something so much, we are forced to grieve this hard?” Oh god, save it for a hallmark card, Karen. “Grief is indeed love with nowhere to go.” Hey buddy, your breath smells like a pig took a shit in your mouth, and then rolled around in it,

What if I told you that I never loved you? That I did it all for the plot? Would you believe me? . . . I see. Is there anything I could say that would make you believe that I didn't love you? . . . I see. Well, I did it all for the plot. I really did. I faked all the tears. And I faked all the fears. I faked every hug. And I faked every kiss. What if I told you that you won't be missed? Would you believe me? . . . I see. What if I told you that I was the one who wasn't

I am the googly eyes To your skulls I am the farts In your once nice smelling home I am the guy who doesn't know shit about cars But I'm the same guy who gave you a star I am the hope In the bitter cold days And you are the warmth In the freezing rain I am the sad love song To your moody metal I am the nice guy Who tries too hard When he feels you pull away You are the baking show on our TV And I am the guy who writes poetry about the girl who watches the baking show on o

Ask me to stay Tell me to stick around a bit longer And I won't go I won't go home Tell me we don't have to be alone tonight And tell me we'll be alright Ask me to stay And I will Tell me you need me And I'll say the same I'll unpack my bags And change my plans If you ask me to stay tonight And it's just fine If you need more time Before you decide Just Eventually Some day Ask me to stay I'll unload my car And find another job I'll give you a hug And never let you go I

You aren't what you feel, Because every feeling passes. What're you after the feeling has left you? Who are you then? Who are you after your reactions? Being emotionally intelligent is understanding that you are not what you feel. Feelings come and go in waves. Nothing lasts forever. You are who you choose to be after the waves have crashed. CH 12/12/25

Some men will tell their lady that they would die for her. Some men will tell their lady that they would even kill for her. Some men tell their lady that they will protect her. But how many tell their lady that they will learn kindness for her? How many say that they will soften for her? How many say they will take off their armour and unclinch their fist for her? How many promise their lady that they will let go of the anger and resentment that’s been buried inside of t

When she knows that she deserves better But still stays with the one who broke her They call that ‘Cognitive dissonance’ It crushes her to discover the truth Yet, she still chooses the lie Her genuine self whispers to her Saying, ‘I’m not happy’ Another side of herself clings to ‘But I love them . . .’ A tension is brewed A pit in her stomach starts to grow A weight on her soul An anchor gets dropped in a sea of sorrow And there she chooses to stay Day after day She starts

I will remember All of the sweet things she’s done for me She may be tempted to remember the suffering But I will remember all the little acts of kindness she showed me I will remember the fact that she opened up her soul She opened up her home And let me in I will remember how special she made me feel And all of the meals I will remember her laugh And her smile More than my tears I’ll remember her dog, the bed hog And waking up with next to her As she hits the snooze 18 tim

The dragonfly only lives for a few weeks to a couple months, Before the cold kills it. Years spent as an underwater nymph, Just to crawl out of the water, chasing the sun, To grow wings and fly, For a few weeks, Before it dies . . . It doesn’t seem very fair, does it? CH 12/9/25

What kind of person can walk away from love? Not me. It goes against everything I want to be. Walking away from love Is the worst version of me. I’d have to become someone I’d despise for eternity. I'd have to live with a haunting pit of regret in my stomach forever. To walk away from love and not let it grow Is poison for my soul. CH 12/9/25