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What Might've Been

It echoes in my chest

An angry drum

And a sad hum


Dun dun dun


A vibration that travels through the bones

And into the teeth

I clench my jaw to kill it

But it’s a persistent bastard

And it wants life

I know the owl in my mind feeds it

I know the wolf in my soul calls it’s name

The angry drum and the sad hum


Dun dun dun


It is terrible music

And it hurts me

This musician

Me

He’s a real ass-hole

He’s frustration seeps out

And you can hear it in his music

It hurts him

More than it hurts them


Dun dun dun


Sometimes

I can out think it

I can beat it

I can play better music

But sometimes

The stream of negativity wins

And it drums and drums and drums

With that low vibration

That sad hum


Dun dun dun


It's something about being human

Some sort of pain

That happens

When you look too closely at

life,

people,

history,

politics,

nature

etc

When you see it

It haunts you

Like a demon

Poison of the brain

A deafening of the soul


Dun…

Dun…

Dun...


Its spiders crawling up the spine

And dirty fingernails

And headaches

Its that dull heartbreak

and an angry ache

I bend and bend and bend

Afraid that someday I’ll break

Sometimes that dull ache

Is more full then dull

And still

To feel

Something real

It’s all I need

To heal


Dun dun dun


The angry tune in the background

Is always there if you listen


The trick is

Not to pay attention

To distract

And nap

And turn around that ship

That steers us into the storm


It’s a slow burn

A searing heat

And the body is the meat

Mixed with a soul

Diving into the pit

The pain of being bit by the snake

That tree of knowledge

That apple

The bite

What might’ve of been

If we stayed ignorant until the end.


-C.H.

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