This fishing trip on Halloween sucks ass

I’ll be the first one to admit it

I’m addicted to dating apps

It’s probably a real problem

But like any type of addiction

I choose to ignore the problems

I love the potential of meeting someone new

Someone interesting

Someone who keeps me up late waiting for that next text

A real connection

The issue is

Those real connections are rare

And dating apps

They give you immediate accesses to most of the fish in the sea

Sorry ladies

Don't mean to call you fish

Even if some of you smell like fish

I stay fishing

But

There is a paradox with too many choices

Something like

The grass is always greener

You swipe

You match

You say hello

You talk

But

You stay swiping

For the next best thing

Just incase the person you’re currently talking to doesn’t workout

You’ll have options

Soon

You’re talking to five people at once

Your small talk blends together

You’re not sure who to chose

Or

When to chose them

Some people want to try to be poly

Some want monogamy

Some are just bored

And they use the dating apps as entertainment

We all want to feel like the other person is putting in the appropriate effort to get to know you

For some

That’s a lot of effort

For others

Minimum effort is needed

They don’t want you to seem too eager

It’s a dance

A fucked up dance

Without any real communication

If either of you step on your dance partners feet

Or have ‘white boy’ rhythm’

One of you will disappear

Back into the ocean

With the other uninterested fish

You cast your line out over and over again

Some people just want to get their fishing poles wet

Sometimes that's all I want

A good fuck

From a stranger

Without putting much effort into the catch

But

Other days

I want to catch that White Whale

Make a real meaningful connection with someone

One day I’ll want one thing

The next day

I’ll want the opposite

I’ve got to assume

Others feel this way too

This fish analogy stinks

But

So does the current dating culture

It’s always Halloween in this dating culture

There are ghost everywhere

Someone disappears

With no explanation

And sometimes

You're hurt

Maybe you actually get their number

It seems promising

Your excited

And then

They just

Disappear

Sometimes you plan to meet for a date

You show up early

You order a drink to calm the nerves

They’re running late

You text them

And they either don't reply

Or

They say they forgot

That their life is crazy busy

That they have drama in their life right now

And that

They spaced it

You’re pretty pissed

Time is the only thing you have

And its passing by quickly

And they just wasted some of it

Even though you’re hurt

And pissed

You have to keep trying

‘They won’t all be ghost’

You tell yourself

But this pattern repeats

Over

And

Over

And

Over

Again

Until

One day you wake up

And you’ve given up

You’re bitter towards the time wasters

You don’t want to give someone else a chance

Then

You become undateable

You're guarded

Passive aggressive

You don’t trust anymore

You don’t want to be vulnerable

You harden up

And not the good type of hard

But

Like all the other apps on your phone

When your show or movie you’re watching is boring

You click on the app

And continue to swipe

Stuck in a loop

A horrible cycle

It’s no wonder we aren't getting married anymore

And if we do

The average marriage these days last eight years

I am a child of divorce

I’ve seen how toxic a marriage can get

I’ve seen a marriage go on for ten years longer than it should’ve

Maybe this is why polyamory is appealing to us

But there is no love there

It’s missing

Maybe

We know we want it

But

We no longer want to be vulnerable

We don’t want to to be trapped in a toxic marriage for ten more years then we have too

What about the kids?

We know two parent households are better for children

Do we not care anymore about the kids?

Are we being selfish?

By wanting our cake and eating it too?

Our toxic marriages leave long lasting impact on our children

We produce fucked up kids

Kids who grow up to be addicted to dating apps

Kids who grow up to be shitty drunk writers

Broken broke kids

And

Single parent households do the same

They just fuck their kids up slightly differently

I sure as shit don’t have the answers

I’m just an observer of the culture

I’m just a by-product of the culture

And I got to say

This fishing trip on Halloween sucks ass

-C.H. 2021