I’ll be the first one to admit it
I’m addicted to dating apps
It’s probably a real problem
But like any type of addiction
I choose to ignore the problems
I love the potential of meeting someone new
Someone interesting
Someone who keeps me up late waiting for that next text
A real connection
The issue is
Those real connections are rare
And dating apps
They give you immediate accesses to most of the fish in the sea
Sorry ladies
Don't mean to call you fish
Even if some of you smell like fish
I stay fishing
But
There is a paradox with too many choices
Something like
The grass is always greener
You swipe
You match
You say hello
You talk
But
You stay swiping
For the next best thing
Just incase the person you’re currently talking to doesn’t workout
You’ll have options
Soon
You’re talking to five people at once
Your small talk blends together
You’re not sure who to chose
Or
When to chose them
Some people want to try to be poly
Some want monogamy
Some are just bored
And they use the dating apps as entertainment
We all want to feel like the other person is putting in the appropriate effort to get to know you
For some
That’s a lot of effort
For others
Minimum effort is needed
They don’t want you to seem too eager
It’s a dance
A fucked up dance
Without any real communication
If either of you step on your dance partners feet
Or have ‘white boy’ rhythm’
One of you will disappear
Back into the ocean
With the other uninterested fish
You cast your line out over and over again
Some people just want to get their fishing poles wet
Sometimes that's all I want
A good fuck
From a stranger
Without putting much effort into the catch
But
Other days
I want to catch that White Whale
Make a real meaningful connection with someone
One day I’ll want one thing
The next day
I’ll want the opposite
I’ve got to assume
Others feel this way too
This fish analogy stinks
But
So does the current dating culture
It’s always Halloween in this dating culture
There are ghost everywhere
Someone disappears
With no explanation
And sometimes
You're hurt
Maybe you actually get their number
It seems promising
Your excited
And then
They just
Disappear
Sometimes you plan to meet for a date
You show up early
You order a drink to calm the nerves
They’re running late
You text them
And they either don't reply
Or
They say they forgot
That their life is crazy busy
That they have drama in their life right now
And that
They spaced it
You’re pretty pissed
Time is the only thing you have
And its passing by quickly
And they just wasted some of it
Even though you’re hurt
And pissed
You have to keep trying
‘They won’t all be ghost’
You tell yourself
But this pattern repeats
Over
And
Over
And
Over
Again
Until
One day you wake up
And you’ve given up
You’re bitter towards the time wasters
You don’t want to give someone else a chance
Then
You become undateable
You're guarded
Passive aggressive
You don’t trust anymore
You don’t want to be vulnerable
You harden up
And not the good type of hard
But
Like all the other apps on your phone
When your show or movie you’re watching is boring
You click on the app
And continue to swipe
Stuck in a loop
A horrible cycle
It’s no wonder we aren't getting married anymore
And if we do
The average marriage these days last eight years
I am a child of divorce
I’ve seen how toxic a marriage can get
I’ve seen a marriage go on for ten years longer than it should’ve
Maybe this is why polyamory is appealing to us
But there is no love there
It’s missing
Maybe
We know we want it
But
We no longer want to be vulnerable
We don’t want to to be trapped in a toxic marriage for ten more years then we have too
What about the kids?
We know two parent households are better for children
Do we not care anymore about the kids?
Are we being selfish?
By wanting our cake and eating it too?
Our toxic marriages leave long lasting impact on our children
We produce fucked up kids
Kids who grow up to be addicted to dating apps
Kids who grow up to be shitty drunk writers
Broken broke kids
And
Single parent households do the same
They just fuck their kids up slightly differently
I sure as shit don’t have the answers
I’m just an observer of the culture
I’m just a by-product of the culture
And I got to say
This fishing trip on Halloween sucks ass
-C.H. 2021