top of page

The Poison We Choose

Updated: Nov 15, 2021

She is the poison that I choose to drink.

It’s a poison that slowly kills me.

I love it.

I look forward to it.

I hate her and love her.

I have no choice.

I’m addicted to her.

I’m addicted to the pain.

I’m addicted to the pleasure.

The pain outweighs the pleasure 100 fold.

This doesn’t matter.

She is the slow death I willingly choose.

She is the only one that makes me feel truly alive.

She kills me and saves me in every moment.

How can another human make life worth living one second and then tempt you to jump off a skyscraper in the next?

Such is love I guess.

I understand now why Romeo drank that poison when he saw Juliet laying there dead.

She is no Juliet though.

She is the poison they drank.

You would think that my desire for self preservation would save me.

These feelings defy biology.

That’s how I know they are special.

If I could do it all over again I would.

WIthout hesitation.

She is who I choose.

She doesn’t know it though.

I’ll never tell her.

I’ll never let her know what she is to me.

I’m not that cruel,

Not yet.

The second hand on the clock keeps ticking.

With every tick, I know that I am dying.

A slow death.

We all are.

We search for meaning in the ticks.

She is one of those meanings.

She is the pause between ticks.

The half second of silence and peace before the tick reminds us that everything in life is finite.

Time passes and so do we.

Everything that is will pass.

Myself, her and the rest of them that don’t matter.

We will all pass soon.

It is inevitable.

The ticking clock is the constant reminder.

I had a watch once.

She smashed it.

She said it ticked too loud at night and kept her awake.

She took a hammer and smashed it into 100 pieces.

My dad had given me that watch.

He had passed years ago.

I didn’t mind that she smashed it.

It did tick pretty loud.

I had friends once.

She said that they were terrible people.

I miss them some days.

I had a family once.

I thought they were terrible people.

I miss them some days.

I had dreams once.

She said my dreams were her nightmares.

I miss those dreams with every passing second.

I had a purpose once.

She said that my purpose now was to make her happy.

I miss my old purposes.

7 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

The dog-sitter, she said that my dog looks just like me. And, I didn’t know what to say to that. So I stayed silent, but she, she went on. “It’s in the eyes. You guys have the same eyes.” My big ass p

"Out of all of the things that I've lost in my life, I'd have to say that the one I miss the least is my mind." The man was in front of a grocery store, in a work uniform, talking to himself. He laugh

History Mystery Fee fi fo fum The illusions The delusions The jifity jam, man This life This kite It’s in the wind The mind The man The person within The games we play Just to pretend The end The end

Post: Blog2_Post
bottom of page