The One Who Stayed

I've hurt myself much more than you ever could, Love.

I’ve been colder than the worst winter we’ve ever had.

I’ve burned hotter than the bluest of flames. 

I went insane at a hauntingly young age. 

There’s an itch stitched behind my eyes whispering to me, telling me to misbehave.

There is nothing you could do to me that I haven’t done to myself already. 

This life was always heavy. 

And I used to be lonely. 

There’s no blood left to bleed inside of me.

And I don’t ask for help. 

I’ve drowned myself a dozen times.

And been in too many fist fights,

And had too many sleepless nights.

I’ve been as selfish as a person can be.

And I’ve had pockets when I am happy. 

You see, Babe, there is nothing you can do to me that I haven’t already done to myself a thousand times over.

I’ve broken my own heart,

And destroyed my mind. 

I’ve gone back in time just to live my mistakes again and again, always hoping it plays out slightly differently. 

I imagine a better version of me, creating a fantasy I mistake for reality. 

Look inside and see what you find,

But don’t stare too long into the abyss or you will become it. 

Take a quick peek at me and then leave. 

Can you stomach what you see?

I’ve pushed you away.

I’ve burned you. 

I tried to ruin us.

I was too scared to trust. 

I was a mess. 

I failed every single test. 

Yet, you stayed. 

You stayed. 

I think I should always love you. I think I’ll try too. 

CH 8/27/26