Sorry Isn't Enough

Sorry isn’t enough. Alcohol isn’t an excuse. My actions were wrong. My words were venomous. I took something personally I shouldn’t have taken personally. I fought for myself and my own feelings and stomped on all of your feelings. That’s not right. I am ashamed. I am embarrassed. I fucked up. Everything was fine and I stirred the pot. I don’t know why I do this. I continue to disappoint you. You have every right to be free. I never want to be a cage. I never want to control you. Love is only real when it’s freely given. I am sorry. I did put too much on you. I did make my emotions your responsibility. I humbly ask for forgiveness I don’t deserve. I love you. I have to change. Hurting you makes me sick. I struggle to ask for what I need and that’s on me. And when I do ask, I almost never do it the right way. Please know I do not want to lose you this way. I don’t want to lose you at all. I fear I am a terrible communicator. You are right, the narratives in my head are my own to deal with. My healing is my own to do. My life is my own. My feelings are mine to live with. You are right about my actions and I am a fucking idiot. I am a stubborn ass sometimes. Love is beautiful but not easy. Your soul is beautiful. It is better than mine. You are so interesting to me that I never get enough of you. I always want more. I am so hungry for life with you. I fucking hate this distance. The silence leaves me starving for you. But I know that’s not your intention. Can you blame me for wanting every second of my life by your side, as your partner? I suppose you do blame me for that. You have every right to focus on work. You have every right to be stressed. And I should know they have nothing to do with me. These words . . . We are both sick of my words. So I will not waste your time with more words you don’t want to hear right now. I love you. And I am truly sorry. Please don’t give up on us yet.

CH 10/5/26