'I swear that I am a good man.
So why don't you love me back?'
These words were being sung through my headphones,
As I once again,
sat alone at a coffee shop.
He had so much pain in his voice as he sang.
It was more of a cry for help than a song.
It was by the St. Louis based group 'Foxing'
It was a perfect song.
Perfect for us.
I must've listened to it two-hundred times this year.
I don't think that there is another song that makes me feel more than this one.
You made me a playlist a long time ago.
'Days Like Razors'
That was what you named it.
So many beautifully sad songs.
You must've made this list of songs for me knowing the future.
Knowing the pain I'd feel losing you.
Maybe it was your warning to me?
Or,
maybe you were sharing your soul with me?
The pain.
The darkness.
The suffering.
The love.
The hope.
The beauty.
Maybe you were exposing it all to me?
Educating me through music.
Maybe that was your best way to express the things you couldn't say out loud?
Music can speak when we can't.
It has it's own language in that way.
It has a magical quality.
To make us feel.
To make us think.
To make us cry.
To help us express.
Maybe shitty poetry could do the same?
You made me a playlist,
pulling back the curtain
and letting me see a sliver of the inside.
I've written many poems about you.
Drank a lot of drinks in remembrance of you.
I hate cigarettes
but I would smoke them to remember your smell.
You probably will never read my shitty drunk writings about you
but I still listen to your soul.
The sliver you showed me.
After all this time..
Maybe you'll read my soul someday.
Probably not though...
You're too damn stubborn.
For you other suckers out there that are going through heartbreak,
for those of you that love to cry to beautifully sad music,
the song is,
'Rory',
by Foxing.