Confessions Left Stuck In My Throat

So many words were left unspoken.

I never told you how I felt.

I felt everything a person could feel.

I thought we would have more time together.

Back then I thought God put you in my life for a reason.

You were the reason I started to believe in him again in the first place.

I was absolutely sure you were meant to be with me.

I thought it was all part of a bigger plan.

You haven't got a clue on the lasting impact you’ve had on my life.

You may never know.

I might never have the courage to tell you.

I used to promise myself that the next time I ran into you,

I’d tell you everything.

I broke that promise to myself every time I did see you.

Too many words were left unspoken.



It's been awhile since I’ve seen you.

My family took me out to lunch to celebrate my birthday five months ago.

I saw you then.

You walked by the restaurant where we ate.

You were with your boyfriend.

A small child between the two of you.

You looked so happy.

My stomach skydived.

It had been four years since our summer together.

And you still make me have a panic attack every time I see you.


We were just friends.

Never anything more.

I think I kissed you once.

That summer

We were drunk.

Getting driven around by a sober friend after a party

During the party, you were sad that it wasn’t working out with a good friend of mine, another coworker of ours.

You guys had a thing for two weeks

And then

He got weird

He didn’t know he had a diamond in you

I was sad about a coworker that I was crushing on too

We were talking about it

Sitting down on a stairwell

Sharing our feelings

You rested your head on my shoulder

In that moment I knew

I knew you were someone special.

The kiss though,

It's vague

and

The alcohol makes the memory fuzzy.

I never cared about a kiss.

Just being friends with you was enough to drive me crazy.

I was attracted to you,

no doubt,

But

I respected you too much to ever make a move like that.

And I was too scared

A scared little bitch


I hoped

and

prayed to a God I didn’t even know if I really believed in

I prayed that I might run into you.

Everyday

For years I did this.

I started to wonder when I would have a day when I didn’t think of you.

If that day would ever come.


You were sweet

You were beautiful

You were funny

You were smart

You were everything I had hoped for

You gave me the feelings that I had always wanted

You made a shit job tolerable

You were better than the rest of them


I think we went on a date once

We were just friends

But it felt like the best date I had ever been on

We went to Jamba Juice after work

We talked and laughed

You had an amazing smile

You had long brown hair

And your nose was the cutest nose.

We went to Barnes and Nobles afterwards

I don’t know what gave me the idea

But I suggested we pick out a book for each other

And whatever we picked, the other had to read

I was in a phase at that point in my life

A Game Of Thrones phase

So I picked out the first book in the series for you

I was excited to give it to you

Then you gave me the book you had picked out for me

I was stunned

It was 50 Shades Of Grey

I didn’t know what to say

But

I read it

Read it all

It wasn’t that great

But it got me curious

I finished it for you

I wanted to stop

But you were worth her shitty writing

I should’ve taken this as a sign

That maybe you were into me

Maybe you were trying to educate me

Maybe you were getting me ready for sex with you

But sex wasn’t on my mind

Just being around you as much as I could was all I wanted

I fell for you

All of me fell for all of you

And I never fucking told you


A few weeks later and we stoped working together

You got a boyfriend shortly after

We faded

Like people do

I believed that this God would bring us together

That I didn’t have to make a move

That you and I would just become

I was so sure

I had blind faith

So I waited

And waited

And waited

And waited

I would stop by your work sometimes

To see you

You weren’t always there

But when you were

I got so nervous

I hated feeling nervous

But I loved seeing you

I never got nervous around beautiful ladies

I was naturally calm and confident around them

But not you

Nope


You broke up with that boyfriend and got another one

Four years later and you’re still with him

I don’t feel as strongly about you as I did back then

And it was only because of the Ice Queen that I stopped thinking about you every day

I’m terrified of the day when I open up my instagram and see that he purposed to you

And you said yes

I’ll definitely drink that day

I wish I could ask you a question

A question I’ve been wanting to ask you for years

‘Did you ever read Game Of Thrones?’


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