Updated: Feb 10
He couldn’t believe that she was right there,
dancing in front of him.
It had been 8 months since they had spoken to each other.
He had thought about her nonstop since then.
She had been everything that he had ever wanted
and he had been missing her dearly.
His heart was pounding in his chest,
as he sat back,
and watched her dance.
He missed the days when she would get drunk
and dance in their kitchen.
He noticed a man sitting a few tables away from him,
he looked like a nervous wreck
and he was also watching her dance.
He knew what was going on through that man’s head;
the internal struggles and fears about approaching a new and beautiful woman.
He looked around the rest of the room and scanned the eyes of the rest of the men.
were watching her dance.
Fear spread through his entire body.
The petrifying fear that feels like a sting through every inch of your body.
He knew that so many men wanted what he once had.
She had broken things off with him because
she had felt that he was too controlling with her.
He was too needy and she needed freedom.
He thought that it wasn’t his fault that he loved her so much.
He rationalized it by convincing himself that it was somehow her fault that he loved her so much.
He knew he would of done anything for her,
and he really meant anything.
He thought about this a lot when he was alone after she had ended things.
He knew he would’ve of killed,
manipulated for her.
He told himself, ‘that true love was crazy.’
That love made him irrational
and that was okay. ‘
After she had dumped it,
he contemplated killing himself.
He thought about a cold knife cutting deep into his throat.
Then his pain would stop-then she would know that she was the reason he was no longer alive on this planet.
‘That’ll show her how much I truly loved her!’
The only thing that stopped him from slitting his throat,
was the idea that he would run into her some day
and she would have changed her mind about him and take him back.
That moment was right in front of him,
The universe had brought her back to him
and he was terrified.
He looked back over at the nervous man a few tables away.
His leg was shaking and he was really pounding down the whiskey.
‘He’s going to get up and ask her to dance!’
Before the nervous man could get up,
he stood up, pretending to be confident,
and started walking towards her.
He had no plan,
he just trusted that universe had created this moment for a reason
and that was good enough for him.
Out of the corner of his eye,
he saw that the other man had gotten up right after he had
and had taken two steps towards her, before turning around and heading to the bar.
‘That’s right, go sit down little bitch, you aren’t in the same league as her and besides,
she’s mine.’ He thought this to himself as he puffed out his chest in victory.
He had finally reached her but,
she was dancing with her eyes closed,
with her back turned to him.
He cleared his throat but she was so into her dancing,
she still hadn’t noticed him.
He was slightly annoyed when he tapped her on the shoulder and smiled at her.
Startled, she turned around and finally saw him.
‘Oh! Hello Trevor…’
‘Hi Ashley!’, his smile was huge and genuine, ‘It’s been awhile!
How have you been??’
‘I’ve been fine.’ He noticed that she was being short with him but he refused to give up.
‘That’s good! I’ve been good too! Just working and working out a lot..
What’s new with you??’
‘Oh everything and nothing. Listen Trevor, I can’t really talk right now.’
Trevor looked around, ‘What do you mean?? Can’t we talk for a bit?? Maybe we can dance..?’
His heart sank into his stomach and he could feel sweat forming on his forehead. He had not expected this.
‘I don’t think that’s such a good idea Trevor… but it’s been good seeing you! Take care!’
She closed her eyes,
turned away from him
and started to dance again.
He stood there, dumbfounded and frozen.
He didn’t understand what had just happened.
He had dreamt about what he would say to her when he had seen her again,
in his mind, this was never a possible outcome.
He thought about talking to her again and even reached out to tap her on the shoulder again,
but he stopped with his arm outstretched, halfway to her.
He pulled back,
‘Fuck this!’ he said under his breath
and he turned around and walked back to his seat.
When he got to his seat, he walked right past it and headed outside.
As soon as the door closed behind him
and the cold winter air hit his cheeks,
He started to weep-
not the normal crying,
but the hysterical crying that children sometimes do.
It was raining and he couldn’t tell what on his face was a rain drop
or a tear.
His face buried into his hands and he tried to control himself.
‘She’s a witch!’ he told himself.
‘She has a spell over me!
She’s an evil witch!’
At that moment, the door opened up
and the old bartender stepped out and tried to light a cigarette.
He had his cigarette losling dangling from his lips, one hand trying to block the rain and the other hand flicking at the lighter.
Without looking at the man, and while the cigarette hung from his lips,
he said, ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost. It’s that woman in there, isn’t it?’
He finally lit his cigarette and took a big inhale, closed his eyes and let out a small cloud of smoke.
The crying man slowly lifted his face off of his hands and turned to look at the old bartender.
His eyes were alive with suffering and malice.
The old man let out a long whistle.
‘Oh boy, you're a mess son. Here.’ He handed the man the cigarette.
Their eyes met for a moment, and then he carefully and slowly, reached out and took the cigarette from him.
He looked up at the cloudy dark sky, took a puff and exhaled.
‘She’s a witch.’ He muttered to the bartender.
‘Oh I doubt that.’
He looked at him again with those hateful eyes.
‘What the hell do you know?’ He growled at him.
‘I’m guessing that lovely lady has some past connection with you and you went to try to reconnect with her just now and she turned you down? Am I close?’ He reached out to take the cigarette back.
‘She used to be mine!!! Then she left me broken… She didn’t understand my love! And I loved her so much! She wouldn’t even talk to me just now… I mean, didn’t any of that mean anything to her?? She’s heartless! Soulless even!’
He took a few big breaths after his rant, trying to gather himself.
‘So she was yours huh? Was she your slave and you her master? Did you own her like a man owns property? Maybe that’s how you saw her, only you haven’t realized that yet? I’ve only just seen her dance just now, but I can tell that that is a free woman. No one can own her sir. And no one should want to own another human being, that is, unless that person wants a slave. Do you want a slave sir?’
He thought he could’ve killed the old bartender at that moment. But the old man smiled at him.
He looked back up to the clouds in the sky and watched the rain drops fall.
‘I don’t understand you, old man. You walk out here and act like you know anything about her and I?? What’re you, some old sage wannabe? Get the hell out of here you fat old man! You’re just a bartender! Look at you! What do you know of love? What do you know about beauty?? You’re an ugly son-of-a-bitch, aren’t you??’
The bartender looked down at him and smiled. He gave his cigarette to him and turned to go inside.
Halfway through the door, he stopped. He turned and faced the man that had just verbally abused him and said,
‘You know, you’re a good looking fella. It’s not too late to change. Think a bit about what I’ve said here. Reflect on your feelings. Even the most ugly people can aspire to be beautiful. Because right now, as you are, you’re the most ugly man I have ever seen… Take care kiddo.’
The door shut behind him.
Our ugly man took a puff from the cigarette and then threw it in anger.
He stayed out there, in the cold rain, for an hour, contemplating the words of the old bartender.
Eventually, he got up, wiped his eyes and started to walk home.
His apartment was miles away but that was okay with him.
He knew he had a lot of thinking and reflecting to do.
He walked on and the rain poured down on him.