The Gut Doesn't Lie Sometimes
Facing the wall
Staring at a piece of art
As the family next to me
Complains about the food here
She’s large
The complainer
She wanted a bigger salad
As her appetizer
The waiter tells her that she already has the ‘full’ sized order of salad
She says it’s not enough
I came here
To mix it up
A new spot
But this family is complaining
About not having a hot tub
And now I want to leave
My plan tonight
Was to keep my headphones
Out of my ear holes
Just in case
Anyone here
Wanted to talk to me
I am trying to be more open to people
Instead of living in my head
I want to engage with them
At least
That was my plan
But now
With this family
I want to retreat back into myself
And music
And words
And stories
And daydreams
And imagination
I want to hide in my corner
Away from these creatures
Now she is complaining about her salad coming on a plate
And not in a boat
The husband complements the radio station to the waitress
Apparently he’s liked all four songs that have played since he’s been here
My food is alright
Not worth how expensive it is
But in this town
There aren’t a lot of cheap options
Then I notice
The little black baby
That these fat white folks
Have with them
I do a double take
Just to make sure
‘Yep.
It’s a black baby.’
I look closely at them
All white
Something doesn’t feel right
My stomach turns
Thinking about these folks raising her
Probably is
Unfair to think that
After 20 minutes of listening to them talk
But the gut doesn’t lie sometimes
They just don’t seem like the type
That could afford to adopt
All of a sudden
The place is packed
And I feel pressured to give up my table
Which really is
Fine by me
I’ll go back to my home
Where my weed and my dog is
I’ll watch a show
Or read a book
While Stanley snores next to me
It’ll be nice
There I won’t have to listen to these people
Or feel pressured to leave
I tried tonight
But these faces here don’t mean anything to me
No one talks to me
No one hardly notices who I am
No one cares
I don’t feel lonely though
This is how
It usually is
It’s just
Life
Life
A repeating pattern of present moments
Over and over again
I am just so tired
Of spending all these repeating moments
Alone
But I’m not lonely
I am just pissed
That I spent thirty dollars
On mediocre food, one beer
And a table next to these meaningless faces
I should’ve stayed home.
-C.H.