More Than I Want To Be

I used to be free to be 

A fuck up 

I used to be free to be 

A degenerate 

I used to be free

To smoke weed

I used to be free 

To vent about my suffering 

I used to be free to be 

Stuck at the age of 23

I used to be

Something

Else

Not this

I don't know what the hell this is

It's something new

And I'm not really sure

What to do

I used to be free

But that was before 

I had any purpose or meaning 

I used to be free to be anything 

But now I feel called to become something 

And with that

I will chain myself to a path

For as long it can last

I will stay steady

Purpose equals responsibility 

And to be good

Requires radical accountability 

I used to be free

To waste my time selfishly 

But now I must be

More than what I want to be 

Now I must sacrifice who I am 

For who I can become 

We grow old and change

We all must let go of something

No one can stay

Forever young and dumb 

No one should stay

Forever selfish and numb.

-CH 8/27/25