Let Me Out

This life started when I met her.

Whoever I was before that

is long gone.

That life is over.

That person is dead. 

Who I am now,

I don't know.

What I am turning into

is a mystery to me. 

She doesn't know me,

she only knows the me that knows her. 

She doesn't know the real me. 

She can't see my scars. 

She can't feel my history. 

Broken homes. 

Broken bones.

Broken hearts. 

Broken dreams. 

The people that leave . . .

And me,

keeping everyone at a distance. 

Making them laugh,

but never letting anyone in.

I only chased my dreams in my twenties,

never a lady. 

I was terrified of love.

I was too proud to be vulnerable. 

I was too selfish.

I was too arrogant.

I thought I could do life all alone.

I thought I could become cold. 

With just my laptop, my guitar, a few books, and my dog,

I thought I would be fine alone. 

I was ready for it. 

But,

on April 13th,

she

messaged me,

changing the trajectory 

of my life

forever.

Everything I was 

melted away.

So much of what I knew 

evaporated. 

My identity 

bled out of me. 

She curled up 

inside my bones, taking hold.

She took a broken man

and became his home.

She fixed a broken heart,

and made me believe in things.

She became my new dream. 

And she promised me she wasn't going to leave . . .

She fucking promised me that she wasn’t going to leave. 

And then she left. 

And now,

I want her out of my broken bones. 

I want her out of my broken home.

I want my time back. 

I want her out of my sinking soul. 

I want a new heart.

I want my old self back. 

I want to be alone. 

I want to sleep

And dream a new dream.

She doesn’t know what I risked for this. 

She can’t see the sacrifices. 

I want out of this. 

I want to sever my soul tie. 

I don’t want to say goodbye, 

I just want to get high and fade away.

It'll be much easier that way.

Why love anything at all?

Let me out of here. 

CH 2/9/26