Learning Backwards

Please understand

    I learned how to fight

     Before I learned how to speak

And I knew nothing but chaos

      Way before ever feeling peace

I was taught how to bite

      Before someone showed me how to love

And please remember

     That I was a disappointment first

       Before I ever wrote a verse 

And I had a tough time holding onto hope

       Because I was always expecting the worst

Keep in mind that I had to hurt

      Before realizing that I could heal 

And I was broken

     When I recognized all of the illusions

       And finally saw what was real 

I was left alone

     With a drunk

       Who had stopped giving a fuck

      Years before

         Anyone ever knew

I was a bunch of pieces 

     Before trying to become whole

       And I stayed comfortable 

        Before diving into the unknown 

And I have to remember

  That I learned to sin

    Way before I learned to forgive 

I am still going 

   Still changing

    Still becoming something

And I am still learning how to let go

   Of the man I used to be

It just takes time 

   To forget all of our history

  It’s a slow burn 

Forgetting everything I’ve ever learned

    And I am still learning patience

     As I wait for my turn 

I flowed with life

   Before taking control 

And I was stuck on my phone

   Back when I was okay being alone 

I was forced to be silent 

    Before making my voice heard

And I learned about the power of sword

 Way before the power of the written word

CH 3/21/24