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Here You Go Freud

I had a dream that I was back in High School

When a school shooter started to go off.

There were bullet-holes in lockers


In kids

As gunshots

Echoed through the halls.

Everyone started screaming

And then


With heavy breathing and silence

We waited


And then

More gunshots

And more screams

Teachers tried to console their kids

Desks and chairs were pushed up against doors and windows





Gunshots and screams

It went on like this

For hours

Until I got up

And went looking for him

I wandered through the halls

Looking at the bullet-holes

Stepping on bullet-shells.

He was easy to find

I just followed the shots and the screams

When I found him

I hid in a locker and waited for him to walk by

He was 30 feet away from me

With an assault rifle in his hand

Another one on his back

A machete on his hip

And a pistol on the other hip

He had on tactical gear

A helmet and vest

He had rounds of bullets around his neck

He came closer

20 feet

10 feet

5 feet

I jumped out and jumped onto his back

It was hard with the gun back there

But I was going for his neck

We fell to the ground

And as we did

I grabbed the pistol off of his hip

Pointed it at his head

And squeezed.

They said I was a hero

But the next day

When it was time to go back to that school

I cried

I wasn’t proud

I was traumatized

I wasn’t going to go back

It was too soon

But they said there was an assembly for me

And I had to go

‘Fuck the assembly!’

I yelled through tears

They said the police were going to give me a medal

‘You think I want a fucking medal??’

The reporters wanted to ask questions

And act like they understand what happened

I put my head in my hands

And just


I got to the school

But didn’t go in

I walked around the football field


When my buddy walked up to me

‘You ain’t going in? Well I don’t blame ya.’

He gave me a hug

‘I got to tell you something man.

They released the identity of the shooter.

It was Kyle, man…’

It took a second for his words to compute

Kyle was my sisters ex husband

And the father to my 7 year old nephew

I couldn't do it

I couldn’t let myself process it

Then he said something that didn’t make any sense

‘Dude, we have to get rid of the body.’

Next thing I remember about the dream

Is being out in the woods

In the middle of the night

With Kyle rolled up in a tarp

We carried him on our shoulders

As we hiked through the woods

We found a spot

Set him down

And took a break

My buddy passed me the water

‘Check it out, a full moon.’

He was looking up at the stars

But I

Was looking at Kyle

Remembering the moment when I squeezed

And his tactical helmet

Filled with brains and blood

I started to cry again

‘C’mon man, we are almost done here.’

He picked up two shovels

And handed me one of them

I started to dig.

Then I woke up

And even though I had slept for 7 hours

It felt like I hadn’t slept at all

It felt like

I had stopped a school shooter

Who was also

An old friend.

I smoked some weed and tried to go back to sleep.


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