I had a dream that I was back in High School
When a school shooter started to go off.
There were bullet-holes in lockers
And
In kids
As gunshots
Echoed through the halls.
Everyone started screaming
And then
Hiding
With heavy breathing and silence
We waited
Silence…
And then
More gunshots
And more screams
Teachers tried to console their kids
Desks and chairs were pushed up against doors and windows
Silence
Silence
Silence…
Then
Gunshots and screams
It went on like this
For hours
Until I got up
And went looking for him
I wandered through the halls
Looking at the bullet-holes
Stepping on bullet-shells.
He was easy to find
I just followed the shots and the screams
When I found him
I hid in a locker and waited for him to walk by
He was 30 feet away from me
With an assault rifle in his hand
Another one on his back
A machete on his hip
And a pistol on the other hip
He had on tactical gear
A helmet and vest
He had rounds of bullets around his neck
He came closer
20 feet
10 feet
5 feet
I jumped out and jumped onto his back
It was hard with the gun back there
But I was going for his neck
We fell to the ground
And as we did
I grabbed the pistol off of his hip
Pointed it at his head
And squeezed.
They said I was a hero
But the next day
When it was time to go back to that school
I cried
I wasn’t proud
I was traumatized
I wasn’t going to go back
It was too soon
But they said there was an assembly for me
And I had to go
‘Fuck the assembly!’
I yelled through tears
They said the police were going to give me a medal
‘You think I want a fucking medal??’
The reporters wanted to ask questions
And act like they understand what happened
I put my head in my hands
And just
Cried.
I got to the school
But didn’t go in
I walked around the football field
Pacing
When my buddy walked up to me
‘You ain’t going in? Well I don’t blame ya.’
He gave me a hug
‘I got to tell you something man.
They released the identity of the shooter.
It was Kyle, man…’
It took a second for his words to compute
Kyle was my sisters ex husband
And the father to my 7 year old nephew
I couldn't do it
I couldn’t let myself process it
Then he said something that didn’t make any sense
‘Dude, we have to get rid of the body.’
Next thing I remember about the dream
Is being out in the woods
In the middle of the night
With Kyle rolled up in a tarp
We carried him on our shoulders
As we hiked through the woods
We found a spot
Set him down
And took a break
My buddy passed me the water
‘Check it out, a full moon.’
He was looking up at the stars
But I
Was looking at Kyle
Remembering the moment when I squeezed
And his tactical helmet
Filled with brains and blood
I started to cry again
‘C’mon man, we are almost done here.’
He picked up two shovels
And handed me one of them
I started to dig.
Then I woke up
And even though I had slept for 7 hours
It felt like I hadn’t slept at all
It felt like
I had stopped a school shooter
Who was also
An old friend.
I smoked some weed and tried to go back to sleep.
-C.H.