18

Only 18 books were sold in the first month of it’s release

   And I try not to think about it

I try not to feel too guilty about it

   I know I should market it more

I know I should get into the stores

    I just don’t know if I can be a phony anymore . . .

Only 18 . . .

  And here I was telling people that I probably sold 100 during the first weekend it was out

Honest to god, I was telling people that

    I really thought I was doing something

I really thought I had a following

    I thought more people cared

Besides my friends and my family

   I don’t have anybody

And I bet only 4 of those first 18 books sold get opened

   I’ll be lucky if even one person finishes it this year . . . 

And

   I’m trying not to let that hurt my soul

 But

   It’s cold outside 

And it’s dark 

    And it’s easy to stay inside and nap

Yes, it’s easy to do that . . .

   I guess I should do more

I should try to get more readers

    I should keep trying . . .

I guess it might be true

   That if you aren’t really living

Then you're probably really dying . . .

Only 18 . . . Goddamnit!!

I guess 

     I’ll get up 

    And

        Try again.

CH 12/9/24