You'll Be Fine

You’ll be fine.

Look at me, kid, you’ll be fine.

I promise you.

I am a piece of shit—a walking disappointment.

I really am.

You are so much better off without me.

I am going nowhere fast.

All I do is smoke weed and read.

I don’t want anything.

I like drinking.

I really do.

I don’t do it as much as I’ve led on, though. Drinking is a romantic fantasy to me. It’s seasoning for shitty poetry. 

But,

I do hit the bong over and over again 

until I fall asleep for a few hours at a time. 

I want you to know that before you decide anything. 

These poems are shit.

These books of mine are trash.

I had talent, but I wasted it.

I don’t want to go back to school,

Not when most of it is online.

You’ll be fine 

without me.

I have no money.

My eyelids are always heavy.

I only smile with you.

You don’t know me, you only know the me who knows you. 

Melting into a couch with Stanley is one of my best skills.

I hate this government and want to rebel against it.

I hate paying taxes.

There isn’t much that I do care about.

I’d drag you down.

I’d become a burden.

I’d wear the same clothes and eat the same food.

You’d get sick of me, I bet. 

I’d be your biggest fan,

but I can be that from anywhere.

You are better off without me, kid.

Stop and think about it . . .

I am a piece of shit.

And you bagged AP Lit.

I don’t even want to take care of myself.

I’m too prideful to ask for help.

And I am too stubborn to tell you that I love you.

. . . It is true, though, I do still love you.

I haven’t said it in a while.

I think I might always love you.

Would that be okay?

What if you were stuck with me for a little bit longer?

Let me just say, I love you, but I don’t like the way you love me.

I can’t stand the way you treat me; although, I can’t really blame you. 

You are better off without me, kid.

And I am better off with you. 

Because,

I hate the way you love me,

And I despise the way you’ve treated me, 

But I’ll always love you.

I have to. 

I’m sorry for that.

I’m sorry you have to be stuck with a piece of shit like me.

You can let go when you want to.

But I am going to hold on.

I’ll live in these dreams and fantasies of ours,

And from afar,

I will love you.

I reckon the best thing I’ll ever do 

between 1992, 

and whenever I die, 

is to love you. 

You’ll be fine without me, though. I am almost sure of it. 

Choose someone else over me again. Choose yourself. It’s the best thing you can do for you. I mean that. I really do. And I swear, it’s almost true.

CH 8/11/26