Words I Don't Usually Say

It's good to see you today, babe

I know those aren’t words that I usually say 

    And I’m sorry for that

But most of the time

   It really is good to see you

And even though I don’t respond

   It is nice when I hear from you

I am just sorry that you don’t hear from me 

   And it is nice to get a birthday gift from you

Even though

   I don’t ever get one for you

 I appreciate when you buy me drinks

   Even though 

I don’t ever buy drinks for you 

  And I love it when you give me drugs

And all I have to give you

   Is my cock

Yes, I love that

   I love it when you read my poetry

Even though

   I don’t ever read yours

And 

   It is nice that you love me

Even though

   I don’t love you 

Yes, that’s quite nice for me

  I don’t really know how to love someone 

And I am sorry I wrote a book about going to therapy

   Instead of actually going 

I get overwhelmed sometimes

    When I think about how kind everyone has been to me 

While I—. . .

    Well, I haven’t really done anything to deserve it

I haven’t been worth it

    And I haven’t repaid anyone's kindness

I always thought

   That someday 

When I wasn’t treading water

    I’d be able to give back to the people that have helped

Me

    But 

It turns out, babe

   That I am still drowning 

And for that

    I am also sorry 

One day I’ll have the strength to save my own life 

And one day

 I hope that 

  I’ll meet you.

CH 6/16/24