When Love Fades Into Hate

I have another poem I want to write about you

Only

I am tired of writing about you

Burnt out from all the feelings that come with writing about you again.

I was sad about you earlier today

But now

I’m a little better.

And now

I don’t want to write about you

Mostly because I know you don’t give a shit

I know you don’t care

I know you don’t think about me

I know you won’t read this

I know all my writings about you would piss you off

Well

It was never meant for you

It was just me

Me and my feelings

Me and my mind

Me and my pain.

I still look at your Instagram every day

I hate that I still do it

But i'm addicted to checking on you

As I am

My phone

My nicotine

My weed

My alcohol

My writing.

I can’t connect with another women

Because you’re still there

In my mind

In my soul

In my bones.

I haven’t been able to shake you

Hopefully soon though.

Hopefully soon you’ll be buried in the past

With the rest of them

Witn the rest of them that I cared about

With the rest of them that I never thought I’d get over

But I did

I got over them

Mostly thanks to you

I forgot them.

But now I am here

Drunk again

And feeling sorry for myself

I hate the pain that I feel

I hate that I cry on drives home

That I park outside my house

And I put my head on the steering wheel

And I cry.

A song plays through the car stereo

A song that reminds me of you

A song that makes me feel worse

And tears roll down my face.

And you don’t give a shit

You never did.

I hate that I wrote this about you.

-C.H.