When Love Fades Into Hate
I have another poem I want to write about you
Only
I am tired of writing about you
Burnt out from all the feelings that come with writing about you again.
I was sad about you earlier today
But now
I’m a little better.
And now
I don’t want to write about you
Mostly because I know you don’t give a shit
I know you don’t care
I know you don’t think about me
I know you won’t read this
I know all my writings about you would piss you off
Well
It was never meant for you
It was just me
Me and my feelings
Me and my mind
Me and my pain.
I still look at your Instagram every day
I hate that I still do it
But i'm addicted to checking on you
As I am
My phone
My nicotine
My weed
My alcohol
My writing.
I can’t connect with another women
Because you’re still there
In my mind
In my soul
In my bones.
I haven’t been able to shake you
Hopefully soon though.
Hopefully soon you’ll be buried in the past
With the rest of them
Witn the rest of them that I cared about
With the rest of them that I never thought I’d get over
But I did
I got over them
Mostly thanks to you
I forgot them.
But now I am here
Drunk again
And feeling sorry for myself
I hate the pain that I feel
I hate that I cry on drives home
That I park outside my house
And I put my head on the steering wheel
And I cry.
A song plays through the car stereo
A song that reminds me of you
A song that makes me feel worse
And tears roll down my face.
And you don’t give a shit
You never did.
I hate that I wrote this about you.
-C.H.