We Can't All Be Cowards

“I hate insecure men,” she said to me, referring to her ex-boyfriend. “They’re too toxic to be with. Insecure men can’t handle a strong, smart woman.” Her head rose a little as she said the last part.

I sat back and folded my arms across my chest. 

“I’m pretty sure all men are insecure in one way or another.”

“Not all of them are.”

“You think there is a human out there that isn’t insecure about something?”

“They can’t all be cowards.”

“And what if I said that I hate insecure women? Would that make me a pig? I don’t hate insecure women. I think insecurities are perfectly natural. But there are some people who would call me an asshole for saying that I hate insecure women. So, why is it only man’s responsibility to overcome his insecurities? Why’s that our standard to be attractive to you? And why the hell would a man be asked to overcome his insecurities because women have created an ideal for him?”

“It’s just my personal preference. It isn’t that deep. Sheesh,” she said, shrugging it off. 

“You want a man that will agree with every little petty shallow opinion that you have. You don’t want someone confident enough to tell you that you’re wrong about pretty much everything. You want a handsome doormat.”

“You seem a little sensitive about this topic.”

“Why is it anyone’s responsibility to overcome their insecurities? Everyone is insecure. Everyone. Anyone who pretends not to be is a liar. Jealousy is a natural human emotion, it shouldn’t be shamed. Shaming someone for their insecurities is horrible. It’s shameful. It’s disgraceful. It’s lacking in human decency. And yet, so many women shame men for having them. And men shame other men for having them. What do you think shaming insecurities does to these insecurities?  It’s like gas being poured onto a spark. Is that how you help someone you care about grow?”

“Because letting fear control you makes you ugly,” she said while getting up and throwing cash on the table. “The amount of ‘objective rationalizing’ that you use so you don’t have to face your fears is extraordinary. It would be impressive if it wasn’t so misguided. I think that if you used just a small percentage of that time and attention into actually overcoming them—instead of finding smart ways to hide from them—you’d be a much better man. Now, it was nice to meet you. Good luck with everything.”

She pushed in her chair and left without turning around. 

“It’s not that simple,” I say, mumbling into an empty whisky glass. 

-CH 6/1/25