Waking Up
Today feels like a dream
Like I should be asleep
The brain is on
but barely
A walking zombie
No desire to chat
No desire to wait in traffic
Hardly any motivation to think
I can’t tell you why
I slept alright
I ate healthy
It’s just one of those days
Time passes in an instant
but also,
stands still
The sun shines,
but I don’t get the good energy from it today
It doesn’t warm up my insides
People are polite enough
but I am easily agitated with them
I am hungry
but food doesn’t sound good
Thirsty
but
not for water
Alive,
breathing,
but absent
The mind isn’t in the present,
it’s everywhere else
and nowhere at all
The distractions are distracting
but never satisfying
There's always chatter
Always everyone giving their opinions
About everything that happens
it’s too much
It seems artificial now
Like an algorithm could predict our average responses
to specific news
Spiritual zombies
Philosophical zombies
Alive
but not living
Getting by,
making it,
paying bills,
falling into a routine,
an endless one,
Being human-
routines,
without any risk;
danger from a distance,
suffering from a distance.
We see it through our phones,
never processing it.
It’s just a weird day,
and these happen
from time to time.
Sleep walking through a day,
going through the motions.
Maybe I should jump in a river?
Maybe I should have sex?
Maybe I should fight?
Something,
anything,
to
wake
me
up.
-C.H.