There were these two witches
Selling energy potions
At the local market downtown
One of these little witches had bright red hair
And the other one’s hair was half black and half red
I forget their names. I honestly do.
Anyway, they loved it when handsome men walked into their store
They really did
They loved it when handsome men with small little noses walked into their store
They’d belittle him
And tease him
And embarrass him
And the energy potions they sold him
Would only make him have to shit immediately
The two little witches loved making him shit
They really did
One told him once that all he did was mope around town writing sad stories about the women that were out of his league
A tear almost fell off of his little cute nose that day, but he had to shit, so he couldn't cry
Don’t ask me why, because I don’t know why, but the man kept going back to see the two witches
He wasn’t sure that they really hated him
He even thought that they might be his friends
Maybe he had serious issues
That’s probably the case
He probably had mental issues
He was always sleepy
His eyes would barely open up
He really just needed a damn energy potion from these little witches
Then, one day,
He found out that one of the little witches was dating his friend
And he imagined a future where they all become great friends together
And he imagined a future where he got energy potions from them every morning
And didn’t have to immediately shit
And he imagined them all laughing together and telling stories and drinking and smiling
It was a fun dream for him
It really was
His life was a little small and pathetic
He decided he would write a short story about these two little witches
But when he gave it them
They kept turning pink and giggling like serious goofs
They really did do that
And afterwards
They looked at him
And smiled
And said that now he had toilet paper
And they gave him back his story, laughing hysterically at him
So one day
He ruined everyone's lives
When he slipped a love potion in their morning coffee
And they fell madly in love with him
Yes, he ruined everyone’s life when he did that
But he thought it was pretty funny
And he’s pretty sure that if the little witches weren’t in love with him now
They would think that it was pretty funny as well
It turned out
That he liked them the way they were
And he left his lovers to search for a wizard that was rumored to live on top of a mountain
The man bundled up, saddled his horse, Liz, and headed out into a storm
He had a tough time convincing the wizard to come back down with him
He was pretty old after all
But he told him what he had done
And that he needed help
That he felt horrible about it
And that he was desperate
And finally after minutes of begging him
The old man finally agreed to leave his nice cozy cave
And undo what the man had done
So they rode back through the storm
And the old man farted a lot
But they survived that part of the trip back, barely
And made it to the two little witches
Where the old man put a spell on the two of them that counteracted the love potion
It was pretty powerful magic, I will admit that
And after that
Everything went back to normal
And that’s it
That’s the story
And don’t ask me how
Or ask me why
But this story eventually became toilet paper
Yes, this story right here
Became toilet paper.
CH 11/3/24
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