Time flies by
and before you know it,
you’re a kid trapped in the life
of a 30 year old.
How did this happen?
Where did the years go?
I was supposed to be something different by now.
I was supposed to be a great fighter.
I was supposed to be a great writer
I was supposed to be a great a person
I am just
Whatever that means.
I am no one special.
I am not a great fighter.
I am not a great writer.
I am not a great person.
I am not special.
I just am.
And that’s it.
I can feel the body failing me.
I can feel the judgement by my fellow men and women.
Judgement from the ones who know me.
The ones that saw the potential when I was younger.
They look at me and think,
‘What the hell happened here??’
I have no response to them,
am asking myself
the same question.
I know time is ticking.
I know the body is decaying.
I know I am not who I wanted to be.
I know my youth is behind me.
I suppose what this is now is something like
I don’t know how to give up on my visions of myself I had when I was younger.
I still want to be more.
I feel it down into my bones;
the desire to be someone,
the desire to matter,
the desire to make those years of hard work and belief
But part of growing up
is realizing that it might never happen.
And that’s okay.
I am still stuck with the burden of existence.
And I still have to do something with it.
So I keep trying
and I think I will always try
until the day that I die
or until the day I feel like I’ve made it,
whichever comes first,
for better or worse.