The Dream Doper

Fuck

I’ve been putting off this one ever since I heard the phrase 

   It stuck to me when I first heard it

And I haven’t been able to shake it 

   No

It’s one of those things that haunts me now 

     It’s like my shadow

Or a ghost

   It follows me around

Like gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe

    I microdose enough of my dreams

To keep some hope alive

   But really

All I am doing

   Is tricking myself

I am acting like I am doing enough 

   Like my dreams still might come true 

Even though I only have my pinky toe 

    Dipped in the water

When really 

   What I needed to do 

Was to jump in

   All the way in

And

   I knew that’s what I needed to do . . .

I always knew

   I know that it’s what I still need to do

Yet . . .

   I dream dope

I microdose my goals

   Giving myself just enough hope

Just enough hope . . .

   It’s a sad life, really

It really is

   I didn’t let myself see it for so long

But now it cannot be ignored 

   That’d be impossible now

I’ve seen what I really am 

    I’ve felt how pathetic I am

There are no delusions in my skull any longer

    Now I know what the drug is

And for so long

    It was my meaning to live

I am a dream doper

   Holding onto just enough hope

So I don’t let go . . .

     … Can someone please come and cut me down from this rope?

I am being strangled by an inch of hope . . .

I guess this is what happens to you when you dream dope.

CH 12/9/24