Fuck
I’ve been putting off this one ever since I heard the phrase
It stuck to me when I first heard it
And I haven’t been able to shake it
No
It’s one of those things that haunts me now
It’s like my shadow
Or a ghost
It follows me around
Like gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe
I microdose enough of my dreams
To keep some hope alive
But really
All I am doing
Is tricking myself
I am acting like I am doing enough
Like my dreams still might come true
Even though I only have my pinky toe
Dipped in the water
When really
What I needed to do
Was to jump in
All the way in
And
I knew that’s what I needed to do . . .
I always knew
I know that it’s what I still need to do
Yet . . .
I dream dope
I microdose my goals
Giving myself just enough hope
Just enough hope . . .
It’s a sad life, really
It really is
I didn’t let myself see it for so long
But now it cannot be ignored
That’d be impossible now
I’ve seen what I really am
I’ve felt how pathetic I am
There are no delusions in my skull any longer
Now I know what the drug is
And for so long
It was my meaning to live
I am a dream doper
Holding onto just enough hope
So I don’t let go . . .
… Can someone please come and cut me down from this rope?
I am being strangled by an inch of hope . . .
I guess this is what happens to you when you dream dope.
CH 12/9/24
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