Relentless

Updated: Mar 6

“Coward.”

(Thump.)

“Coward.”

(Thump.)

“Coward.”

(Thump.)

“Coward.”


With every thump of the heart,

I remind myself who I am.


“Coward.”

(Thump.)

“Coward.”

(Thump.)

“Coward. “

(Thump.)

“Coward.”

(Thump.)


All of the responsibilities I avoid,

they flow in the stream of conscious thought,

between each thump.


All the people I’ve screwed over,

they whisper to me at night,

telling me who I am.


“Coward.”

(Thump.)

“Coward.”

(Thump.)

“Coward.”

(Thump.)


All the women that I’ve cared about,

but never had the balls to go after,

their stuck between my ears,

confirming what I already know.


“Coward.”

(Thump.)

“Coward.”

(Thump.)

“Coward.”

(Thump.)


I remember what they used to call me in High School.

And it echoes in my skull.


“Pussy.”

(Thump.)

“Pussy.”

(Thump.)

“Pussy.”

(Thump.)


I remember the dreams I had for my life,

before I let them fade away.

There is really only one reason why I did this,

it’s because I am a


“Coward.”

(Thump.)

“Pussy.”

(Thump.)

“Coward.”

(Thump.)

“Pussy.”

(Thump.)


“You’ve always been afraid,”

I tell myself.


“It’s deeply rooted in you.

You smoke weed and waste time.

and you secretly love this part of yourself.

You’re still just a boy…”


“Coward.”

(Thump.)

“Pussy.”

(Thump.)

“Boy.”

(Thump.)

“Coward.”

(Thump.)


I am relentless tonight.


I remember my college debt

that I haven't made a payment on

in 10 years.


"Coward."

(Thump.)

"Pussy."

(Thump)

"Boy."

(Thump.)

"A waste of potential"

(Thump.)


The thumping starts getting louder.


It feels like a crescendo…

and I am terrified

about what will happen at the end of this crescendo.


The fear

only makes my heart beat faster and louder.


“Coward.”

(THUMP.)

“Pussy.”

(THUMP.)

“Boy.”

(THUMP)

“Look at how you’re ruining your life!”

(THUMP)

“You only get one chance at life

AND YOU'RE PISSING IT AWAY!”


(THUMP!)

(THUMP!)

(THUMP!)

(THUMP!)


“Be bold!

Take action!

Make things happen!

Stop being such a damn pussy!”


“It’s the only way your life will change…”


(Thump…)


-C.H.

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