Beauty
Escapes me
All my eyes can see
Is suffering
Instead of beauty
It all feels ugly
And inside of this head
Mold starts to grow
From the damp darkness I’ve come to know
Instead of the sun
I howl at the moon
And just hope that the sun returns soon
And instead of taking a piss on the abyss
The abyss pissed on me
And now I am pissed
Now I am nervous
That I might’ve missed my chance
To dance
To the sound of the cosmos
This flow lately
Has been rough
But I did asked to become tough
I just thought I was already tough enough . . .
Beaten black and blue
I choose
To stay here
In the damp darkness
Because that’s where the starving artists shines
As long as this mind of mine
Can take it
Then I know I can make it . . .
Romanticizing suffering
Was never the move
But I found my groove
And had nothing to lose
So I stayed for too long
Just me, my shadows, and my bong
But we were almost gone for too long
The soul took the hits
And bit by bit
The soul was chipped away
But on this day
I would like to say
That I am ready to see
The beauty
I am ready to leave the abyss
And live again
I am ready for the sun to shine on this mind of mine
And for the mold in my head
To turn into flowers
Because I cannot spend another hour
In the shower
With cold water
Running down my spine
I’d like to focus beautiful things for awhile
And let go of everything hostile
I’d like to change my mask
And try out a new style
I’d like for beauty
To find me again
And warm up
Everything cold within
So I can stop shivering
And start living
But alas,
I did this to myself
And that’s why it’s so hard to ask for help
And I know that the only person that can save me
Is me
I’ll climb out of this pit where the shadows live
And I’ll take everything inside of me
All of my strength
And I’ll climb upwards
Towards the sky
Towards the light
And I just might
Make it out
CH 5/3/24
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