Growing Pains

A bearded man plucked at a guitar in the back of the poorly lit dive bar

     Some country twang echoed through my ears as I sat at a table with my eight closest friends 

We drank cheap beer and shot the shit for about thirty minutes

     Before my stomach started to sink 

And my soul felt anchored to my stomach 

     My friends know that I haven't changed

They know that I am stubborn

   And broke

They know my poison is hope

   They know that I dream dope

     They’re all happy and having kids

They all have parents that are proud of them 

     For a few minutes I almost forgot that I don’t fit in 

A few of them wish they would’ve chased their dreams

     And I wish I would’ve built a home

They can’t get off of work

    They can’t get a babysitter

And I can’t get off of my damn phone

    I’m out chasing tail

While they’re teaching their kids how to read

    They don’t know that I would bleed

For a fraction of what they have

    They don’t know that there is a hole in my soul

Where a family belongs

     They don’t know that a wife

Would change my life

    They can’t see me

They only see the opportunities right in front of me

    I’m on the dating apps

While they set their kids down for a nap

    I try to tell them this

But all they say is that they are so proud of me 

    They think being a broke writer is neat

They think being a fighter is fun 

    They think I am tough enough to handle the heat

They think that I’m strong

    They couldn’t be more wrong

They have love, security and money

   And I am still the friend that’s funny

I tell a joke to change the subject

    They laugh

But not me, my soul has sunk so low

   I think that if I farted

My soul would come out of my ass

     I clench my butt-cheeks together 

And try to be happy for how happy my friends are

   The country song slowly comes to an end

And I try to pretend 

   Like the bearded bastard with the guitar didn’t just play

The saddest song I’ve ever heard.

    -CH 5/12/25