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General Hairy's Revenge

They say that we swallow a ton of spiders in our sleep

Those creepy crawlers

Have formed an army in my stomach

They have a General named Hairy

And they are out for revenge

They thought that it was just a cave they were stumbling into

But as the walked slowly into my mouth

And down my tongue

And past my tonsils

They probably slid down the rest of the way

Just to be boiled in stomach acid

With no escape


That’s when General Hairy swings down and swoops them up

Saving them from certain death

They have a spider base along the walls of my stomach

Where he takes them after saving them

And that’s where he tells them about me

And how I ate them

He tells them that I am spider-hating-giant

And that I’ve eaten thousands of their brothers and sisters

And that’s probably true

I have eaten thousands in my sleep

When I get nervous

They start to party

And I get nauseous

I can feel them squirming around in there

And when I can’t sleep

And the shadows on my walls are dancing

I can hear them talking to each other

Whispers of their plot against me

“We’ll find a way out of his stomach

And we’ll crawl up his throat

And out of his mouth

And then

All 3,000 of us

Will bite him

And it’ll probably be enough to make him very itchy the next day

Sweet revenge!!

It’s so close!”

And some days

I do wake up

With a few spider bites

And I wonder if a few of them did manage to make it out

Or if it was one of their brothers or sisters

Who didn’t know

And was chilling on my chest or neck

Before falling into my snoring mouth

CH 12/15/23

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