Ember

 I remember the smile that she had

The lady with the long auburn hair

   And if I close my eyes

And block everything out

   I can still hear her laugh

We were the same height

   So it was always easy to find her eyes

They were always trying to find mine

   Her eyes were green sometimes 

And other days they were brown

   And her nose

I loved her nose

   Other people hated it

But I thought it was perfect

   I really did think she was perfect

She could’ve hit me over the head, knocking me out

   And thrown my body overtop of a pile of broken glass

And used me to walk on, so she didn’t cut her feet

   And I probably would’ve woke up happy that I got to help her

I probably really would’ve done that

   She probably could’ve hit me with her car

And I’d apologize for leaving a dent

    The thing is

She would never do anything like that to me

   She was sweet

She really was

   She was funny, and goofy, and beautiful, and intelligent, and I really liked her. 

But, 

   I never told her any of this

Of course I didn’t

    I never really made a move on her

Don’t get me wrong

   I planned to

I wanted to

    I was going to

It just . . . never worked out like I thought it was going to

    Something always got in the way

And 

   I thought I would have more time with her

I really did think that

    I thought I would have the rest of my life her

Pretty crazy, right?

   Yeah, I was pretty pathetic back then

I was terrified to go after her

    Scared stiff

And it still haunts me at night sometimes 

   Like last night

When she crept up into my thoughts

   And slithered her way into my dreams

And now this morning stings

    With the memories of her auburn hair and her laugh

She’s a mom now

    And I guess she married some guy that looks like me

I don’t like him

   I haven’t ever met him

But I know I don’t like him

   I know it

And 

   I don’t even care that she has a kid

I bet she’s a great mom

    I really think that

Normally I avoid dating moms

   But I’d date her if she ever ditched that guy that looks like me

She should do that soon

    Yeah, I wouldn’t mind if she did that.

CH 12/2/24