Doing Fine

She told me that in the middle of the night

In the darkness

She’ll wake up and panic

Reaching out of her dog

Who isn’t there in her bed with her anymore

Five days in a psych ward

Her ex boyfriend called it in 

They broke into her apartment 

Drugged her

And took her to the psych ward against her will

And when she told me about how she started waking up in the middle of night while she was locked in there

Reaching out into the cold darkness in a state of pure panic

I wondered if it was her ex boyfriend she was searching for in her bed

And not her dog . . .

20 pills

Two bottles of wine

And wanting to die

But she insists that she is just fine

Her and I went and got her dog back 

And drank a bottle or two of wine

I stayed the night 

And I experienced her night terrors

Not only would she wake up terrified 

But she’d grab a hold of me and pull me tight

Her dog snored next to her

“I’m here,” I said, reassuring her. “I’m right here.”

She’d lay on top of me 

Holding on to me

Until she fell back asleep

And when it would get too hot

And I’d try to roll her off

She’d freak

And pull me tighter 

Four or five times in the middle of the night

She’d wake up terrified 

That part wasn’t a lie

But after the first time

I knew 

She was reaching out for her ex boyfriend

Not for her dog

And she would find me instead of him

Which was just fine

Because in my mind 

It was my ex girlfriend who was curled up in ball on top of my chest

In my mind

Her and I were still together 

In my dreams

It was always just her and I 

That night my friend wished I was someone else

And I wished she was my love

I knew doing this with her would either hurt us or help

Well, I woke up numb. 

CH 2/10/26