Decent

The thing I was most afraid of happening happened. And I survived it. I am still alive. I ate it and carried on. I was deeply hurt but I learned. I was burned, but now I am healing. I lived through it. And now this fear has no power over me anymore. Now this fear has no power over me anymore . . . Now most of my fears don’t. Now I am more secure. I walked through the fire and I am fine. I loved truly, was rejected, ate the sadness, and grew. I grew. I’ve changed. I loved. I lost. And I am fine. I loved. I lost. And I am fine. The person I wanted to be with didn’t want to be with me any longer. And it hurts. It really fucking hurts. But I survived. I ended up being fine. I just needed some time. All I needed was time. And now I am fine. My mind, my body, my soul, they healed with enough time. Life moves forward. The world spins madly on. And we are stronger than we think. We can bear almost anything. She accidentally made me a better person, because now I know what real love is, and nothing shallow or superficial will ever be able to replace it. Nothing will ever be able to replicate it. I cannot accept any form of love that is lesser than what ours was. I cannot ever entertain someone who isn’t better than her. I may wander around for all of eternity looking for someone who can match how she made me feel. The woman of my dreams broke my heart. And I am alright. I am decent. I am okay. I made it through. I didn’t die. I am alive. And now I am free from my biggest fear . . . I am still here and now I am free from my biggest fear. . . .

CH 1/9/26