December 11th

Your birthday is in a few days

I’ll never forget it

Mostly because

It’s the same birthday as my moms

And also

the same birthday as my best friend's.

If I believed in astrology,

I’d think that this wasn’t a coincidence,

But I don’t.

It is just the randomness.

Pretty strange coincidence though, right?

In my mind,

the day doesn’t belong to them anymore.

For me,

December 11th belongs to you.

I want to wish you happy birthday

But

We don’t speak anymore.

So I probably won’t.

Today was a hard day for me.

If you want to know why,

read my last two poems.

I wanted to message you

But every time I was about to,

I came to my senses.

The last time I had a day like today,

I sent you a bunch of video messages.

You were savage.

You ripped out my soul again.

But as your birthday gets closer and closer,

You keep popping up in my mind more and more.

With everything going on right now,

it’s torture.

I’d love to forget about you

But,

I don’t know how.

Maybe with enough

booze

time

drugs

women

And

fake love,

I’ll forget about you.

Maybe once your

birthday is

done

and over,

I’ll think about you less.

I still don’t know if I’ll say anything to you on December 11th.

It’s been almost one year since we met.

Arguably the hardest year of my life.

But only some of that is because of you.

You don’t know about

the

other suffering

I’ve been going

through.

But,

I think

you’ve

Been

Suffering

too.

The idea of you suffering doesn’t make me happy at all.

It makes me suffer too.

I suffer with you.

That’s why I blew it when your loved one died.

You

were

gone

And

I didn’t know

how to handle

both

of

us

suffering.

You were gone

and I was left alone to wait for you.

I waited

And

Waited

And waited.

I ran into you at a bar.

I was there to get drunk.

All the way drunk.

Because

I was missing you.

You rolled by without a hello

And sat down within eyesight of me.

I moved upstairs.

I couldn’t look at you with them.

I took four tequila shots in a row.

I called my roommate to pick me up.

As soon as I got in his truck,

I started crying.

And not the normal crying,

The hysterical type of crying that only the broken produce.

And

I

Still

Haven’t

Stopped.

Anyways,

I hope you have a beautiful birthday Ice Queen.