Buy Some Damn Jeans

“Sweatpants and a hoodie again?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’ve given up on romance and embraced comfort,” he replied with a proud, slow smirk forming on his face. “Life’s better this way.”

“You can still have romance in sweats.”

“Well, what should I wear, then?”

“To repulse women?”

“Exactly.”

“I think talking will do the job. Just be yourself.”

“You mean like you and I are doing now?”

“Yes, do this and you will repel most women. Trust me.”

“But, you still stick around?”

“For now.”

“How do I repel you, then?”

“Just keep wearing those sweats, buddy.”

“That was already the plan,” he said, smirking again. 

“They don’t really leave anything to the imagination.”

“What?”

Her cheeks turned pink and her eyes darted to the floor. “Never mind,” she said dismissively. “Is romance really that bad?”

“It’s the worst. Wait. . . .” he glanced down to his bulge and quickly covered it with his hands, “it’s not that noticeable, is it??”

Her face became as red as her hair. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know what you’re doing. You have a mirror, don’t you??”

“What I am doing is being comfortable. If you don’t like it then you don’t have to look.”

“I wasn’t looking . . . It was looking at me,” she whispered and shivered for dramatic effect. 

“Oh, relax. He definitely wasn’t looking at you.”

She glared at him. 

“Ladies show their milkers all of the time. And the yoga pants y’all wear also don’t leave anything to the imagination. Double standard,” he said while shrugging casually. 

She recoiled away from him in disgust, clutching her chest. “Our . . .’Milkers’??”

“Is it out of pocket to call them that?” he asked genuinely, nodding to her breast.

“Uh, YES IT’S OUT OF POCKET! Holy shit, man, you got issues.”

“Oh, yeah, I do have a few of those in my pocket as well.”

She shook her head. “Just do this and you’ll repulse every woman you meet.”

He smiled widely.  “Perfect! And the sweats? Should I wear compression shorts over top of my undies?”

“You have to do something about that.” She nodded to his bulge.

“He likes freedom.”

“Buy some damn jeans.”

“That’s probably a good idea, actually.”

-CH 3/21/25