Broke

My card got declined at 7/11 this morning

   The lady laughed at me

But I think it was a nervous laughter

My front door handle to my 99’ Honda CRV is broken

   So I have to get out of the passenger door every time 

Or roll the window down and open it up from the outside

   I have three matching tires on it

And one odd-duck tire

  I need new brakes

And 

    The four-wheel-drive is broken

My bills are due

   But I can pay them on friday

When I get paid

I have two roommates at the age of 32

And my dog needs food

All of my jeans have holes in them

   So my mom gifted me some for christmas

But they are all the wrong size

   Of course they are

My feet hurt

   With every step

But 

   I don’t have health insurance 

It’s too expensive 

   So I just silently moan in pain when my heel strikes the ground

I spend too much money on breakfast burritos 

   I really do

I get them Doordashed to my work

   Because I get so damn hungry all of the time

I don’t take any help from the government 

    Screw those pricks

I’d rather make it on my own

   Then ask for help from them

I’ve never cared about the money game

  Nn, not since I saw my parents rip each other apart for every penny in divorce court

I saw them devour the other 

  Wide-eyed, licking their lips 

Veins popping out of their foreheads

    Years of pent up disdain oozed out

It was disgusting

    Just like their marriage

Just like the ideas of family they forced down 

  Just like the smoke they blew up my ass for 15 years

But now, at 32, I am broke

   Always have been

And 

   Most days

I am fine with it

   If I have enough money to get by

I’ll be fine

   But

I imagine a family

    And I don’t know how I could ever pay for that . . .

I don’t even have a lady, so I guess I can figure out the family stuff after she finds me. 

I am stuck in the money game. 

   There’s no way out. 

You can’t win the game. 

   So, 

I make my own games. 

    I type,

And I punch things.

   And that’s all I need for now.

   CH 1/17/25