Anything

“You can manifest ANYTHING,” she kept saying to me. 

I wanted to believe her. 

I really do want to have faith. 

I’m pretty sure I even want to believe in God.

When people tell me to, “trust the universe,” I always assume they’re talking 

             about God, 

             but can’t admit it to themselves. 

I want to believe that everything happens for a reason. 

And I want to believe that every person is a lesson.

           I want to be grateful for the pain. 

And I want to believe that suffering can be a blessing. 

I want to believe in myself. 

I want to believe in others. 

I’d like to believe in love. 

But fear seems so much more powerful to me. 

         So much more powerful. 

“What do you want to manifest?” she asked me.

“I don’t know anymore.”

“Don’t you want to manifest a beautiful relationship with her?”

“I don’t know . . .”

“Well, what about success? Or money?”

“I’m alright without those burdens.”

“Huh,” she said, sitting back, deflated. 

I wanted to believe her. 

I really did. 

I wanted to live. 

I really did. 

I wanted to forgive. 

I really did. 

“Transmute her pain into light and she will have no choice but to ascend with you.”

“Transmute her pain? How do you do that?”

“You picture it in your mind. All of her pain turns it into a ball of darkness. Bring it from your mind to your chest. Then hold it there. Feel it. Forgive it. Love it. Focus on it. Imagine it turning white and warm inside of you. Then, let it rise. Let it rise up to your head. Imagine a beam of light going from your head to the heavens. Release her pain into the beam of light and watch it rise. Turn darkness into light. Turn lead into gold. Let it all go. Ask the universe to receive it. Let it flow. She will have no choice but to ascend with you.”

After she left, as I lay in bed, I tried it. 

But, I don’t know if it worked or not. 

Two days later, I forgave the woman who hurt me. I let go of the resentment. I let go of the bitterness. I let go of the pain. I let go of the story. I took responsibility. I accepted her apology. And I apologized to her for pushing her away. 

And now, today, I do feel a little better, and a little less bitter. 

I still don’t know what to manifest, though. 

But, I do carry a magnet and a dragonfly replica in my left pocket. 

So, that’s something.

CH 3/21/26