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The Nice Guy

This guy we were with earlier

Was buying me drinks

And laughing at my jokes

But now

He was in handcuffs

On the side of the street

With a bag over his head

They pepper sprayed him

Apparently he got a little too drunk

And tried to piss in the kitchen at the dive bar

The bouncer caught him with his cock in his hand

Then he tried to fight the bouncer

The cops came

And he tried to fight them too

That's what led to the pepper spraying

He was a nice guy

Earlier in the night

I commented on his crocs

They had Pokémonpins on them

I told him they were cool

I had walked outside the bar

To see if this blonde was out there

And saw all the flashing red and blue lights

About 8 cop cars

10 cops

And a man with a bag over his head

And his hands behind his back

The white crocs with Pokémon Pins on them Sat on sidewalk next to him

It took a second for me to register that the nice guy was the one under the bag

I ran into the bar to get my friends

They very slowly and casually stumbled out there

I talked to the cops

Heard their story

I talked to the bouncer

Pieced together everything

Told my friends

And we all watched him get loaded into an ambulance

He was strapped to a gurney

Bag still over his head

My friends went back into the bar

And kept drinking

Like nothing happened

They shrugged and said he had too many whiskey sours

But I was sick to my stomach

I had to go home

I felt like he easily could’ve been me . . .

. . .

I made a mental note to never try to fight the bouncer.


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