Beyond Understanding

Today doesn’t feel real

It feels like I’ve been given a second chance at life

Only

I am the same person as always

Life hasn’t changed

And the world remains the same

My mind is still the same

My heart

My soul

I think it’s all still unchanged

So I don’t understand

Why it feels like I died yesterday

And that I’ve been reborn into something new

How can it feel like that and not feel like it

at the same time?

I don’t understand

I’m a ghost

I experienced my own death

That should be life changing

So why isn’t it?

Can’t I steer my ship a little?

Can’t I change my ways?

Or is it too late for all that?

Is it that

we are the way we are

and we can’t really change that much?

But a death

And a rebirth

That should be the formula

For something new

Maybe I am different

Maybe I did choose life

And that makes me stronger

Maybe I did face my demons head on

And somehow

I won

Maybe I did go to hell

And I clawed my way out

That’s really something

I guess

Going through a life changing experience

You expect your life to change too

Isn’t that the definition?

I’m just confused

I truly don’t understand what happened

I guess that could be the point

I won’t understand everything

Maybe there really is the mystical

And maybe I really did experience a miracle

Maybe I did talk to God

Maybe we are pals now

Maybe I’ll never understand this strange life

And maybe

That’s okay.

-C.H.