Today doesn’t feel real
It feels like I’ve been given a second chance at life
Only
I am the same person as always
Life hasn’t changed
And the world remains the same
My mind is still the same
My heart
My soul
I think it’s all still unchanged
So I don’t understand
Why it feels like I died yesterday
And that I’ve been reborn into something new
How can it feel like that and not feel like it
at the same time?
I don’t understand
I’m a ghost
I experienced my own death
That should be life changing
So why isn’t it?
Can’t I steer my ship a little?
Can’t I change my ways?
Or is it too late for all that?
Is it that
we are the way we are
and we can’t really change that much?
But a death
And a rebirth
That should be the formula
For something new
Maybe I am different
Maybe I did choose life
And that makes me stronger
Maybe I did face my demons head on
And somehow
I won
Maybe I did go to hell
And I clawed my way out
That’s really something
I guess
Going through a life changing experience
You expect your life to change too
Isn’t that the definition?
I’m just confused
I truly don’t understand what happened
I guess that could be the point
I won’t understand everything
Maybe there really is the mystical
And maybe I really did experience a miracle
Maybe I did talk to God
Maybe we are pals now
Maybe I’ll never understand this strange life
And maybe
That’s okay.
-C.H.
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