The Great Pumpkin War Of 2022
Updated: Oct 15, 2022
Pumpkin mania is sweeping the nation
It’s getting bad out there folks
Worse than ever before
And let's be honest here
Is fucking disgusting.
So are we buying the shit out of it?
Why are there so many homeless?
Why are there so many suicides?
Why is fentanyl killing so many of us?
Why is there a threat of nuclear war?
And no one seems to give a shit?
Why are we so divided in America?
And why the hell are we so obsessed with anything pumpkin??
With all this shit going on
And we are buying pumpkin flavored beer that tastes like vomit
That it is good
Because the leaves are changing colors
And it's what people do in the fall–
They pretend pumpkin is edible.
If everyone in America
donated the money
to hungry people
that they would’ve spent this year
on the pointless act
of mutilating a pumpkin;
and then shoving a candle up it’s ass
for their two ass-hole neighbors to see,
then we could solve world hunger for a few months.
that’s probably true.