Updated: Dec 13, 2021
There was a cage in the shape of an octagon floating right above the clouds. Inside that cage were two fighters, one who was beat up pretty badly and the other one looked clean, untouched, confident. The sun was rising and beams of sunshine were emerging from the clouds. The cage floated upward, further and further away from the earth. No one had watched the first round but it was obvious how it went. The fighter who looked clean had put an ass whooping on the other fighter. He bounced on his toes, refusing to sit down in between the first and the second round. He was the Champ. He was good and he knew it. You could see his confidence in his body language. You could see his skill in his eyes. He’s eyes were focused and intense. He looked as if he was working on an equation in his head. He was solving the man in front of him. They called him, ‘The Gunner’ because of how many punches he threw. He was 18-0 with 18 knockouts. He had hardly ever been touched inside the cage. A smile slowly spread across his face as the bell for the second round rang.
The other fighter pushed his coaches away and got up from his stool. Suddenly, the cage stopped moving. A couple hundred seats emerged floating around the cage. At first they were empty and then the seats were full. They emerged out of nowhere. They were all the Gods and Prophets man had worshiped throughout history. You could see Zeus in the front row, with both arms around the shoulders of two beautiful women. Jesus had his legs crossed and his hands in his lap as he watched the start of the second round. The prophet Muhammad was standing up, his eyes were fixed on the Champ. Dionysus had a cup of wine in each hand, his cheeks were red and his legs were wobbly. He was looking over at Aphrodite, who was topless seven or so seats away from him. She was watching the beat up fighter getting up from his stool with curiosity. Murdoch was in the very back row but he could see everything, so he was okay. Jesus started turning all the water into wine for his fellow Gods and Prophets.
The Champ looked around and saw what was going on. His hands dropped to his waste and his eyes got big. He did a quick scan of all the Gods and Prophets watching him. He only recognized a handful of them. He realized the cage had floated all the way up to heaven. Then, in his peripheral vision, he saw his opponent moving forward. The son-of-a-bitch was coming after him.
‘Doesn’t he know what the hell is going on??’, he thought to himself. He saw the eyes of the Challenger, they were dark and full of suffering.
‘Well, he’s about to suffer more.’
He threw out a stinging jab that connected to the nose of the challenger. His nose started to bleed. He had two swollen eyes, a bloody nose and the Champ had caught him with a solid cross to the jaw, which had knocked him down in the first round. The challenger had given himself the nickname, ‘The Narrator’ and when he was always asked about it, he gave the same answer, ‘I’m writing my own story here. A story about how an ugly drunk like me becomes The Champ. Keep writing about me boys. Keep my story going and I’ll keep giving you material work with.’ Most of them didn’t believe him. But they could all see the darkness in his eyes. They were scared of him. He was one of those fighters that could take a beating and continue hunting. He made the journalist who tried to talk to him uncomfortable, uneasy, nervous. They all loved The Champ. They loved his story. He was a respectful, kind and a skilled fighter. He was the light while the Challenger was the dark. ‘The Narrator’ was a massive underdog and the media was giving him no chance. He took a step forward and threw his jab. It connected to the forehead of The Champ. He took another step forward, threw the cross but this time, The Champ slipped and connected with a hook over top of his cross. It landed flush. The drunk crowd full of Gods and Prophets went wild. The Chinese God, Chi You screamed, ‘Beat his ass!! No mercy! Dig to the body and then go to the head!’
He spilt his wine on Hermes’s head, who was sitting a seat below him.
The Champ went to the body with the left and then to the temple with the right.
‘Atta Boy!!’ Chi You screamed.
Ares, Athena and Horus were all sitting back watching the fight calmly. They sipped at their wine Jesus had made for them.
‘The Narrator’ was dazed. He fell forward, into the clinch with The Champ. He held on and tried to dig the body. The Champ broke away from the clinch, and as he did, he landed a hard right elbow to the left eye of his opponent.
‘I got you know bitch!’ he yelled and pointed to the Challenger. He felt the cut above his eye and reached up to touch it. His fingers came back to him soaked in blood. He looked at his bloody fingers and then looked back up to The Champ. This time, he was the one with a big smile on his face. He kept coming forward. Aphrodite stood up and her huge naked breast bounced as she did. She was still watching The Challenger. Futsunushi, who was sitting next to her, stood up too and turned to her and said,
“Hey Aphro, what is it about this kid that you like so much? He’s getting his ass beat.”
She turned to him, “He uses his pain, his darkness and his suffering as inspiration for his art.”
“I didn’t know getting your ass beat was an art.” He said as he sat back down and crossed his arms. She looked back at him,
“Just watch”, she said.
The Challenger’s smile disappeared and he took a step forward. This time, it was The Challenger who slipped and countered. He landed clean to the jaw of The Champ. He staggered him. The Champ looked like a newborn calf trying to walk for the first time. The Challenger went after him. But at that moment, the cage started to drop downwards.
“Good luck!’ Aphrodite yelled to The Challenger. All the Gods and Prophets started to boo and curse in response to the cage moving out of heaven. But they slowly faded away as the cage continued downward.
The Challenger ripped a right to the body. You could see the grimace on The Champ’s face.
“This is MY story!’ he yelled at The Champ. “This is MY time!” The cage continued downwards. Then, there was darkness. The cage stopped. The two fighters could hear a low growl coming from the darkness. Then another growl and another. Soon it sounded like one hundred deep low and sinister growls. A shiver went down the spine of The Champ. Then a huge flame ignited from the darkness and surrounded the cage. The heat was almost unbearable for the two fighters. Then the growls turned into hysterical laughter. The bright flame illuminated the pointy teeth of the one hundred Devils and Demons who were sitting behind the flame. They had dropped down to hell.
“Kill him!!” they screamed. “Rip his balls off!! Snap his neck!”
The bell rang. The second round ended. The Champ walked back to his corner. The Challenger walked to the middle of the cage and stood there, staring at The Champ. The Champ sat on his stool and looked over the shoulder of his coach and saw The Challenger staring at him with those dark eyes that were full of venom. The Challenger glared, unblinking, right into the eyes of The Champ.
“You’re in hell now Champ!” he yelled at him.
“Champ! Get it together! You lost that round! You have to got to win this one! Get that last one back!” his coaches yelled at him, as they poured water on his head and massaged his traps.
“It’s so damn hot down here”, he said. “I can hardly breathe.”
He looked out into the crowd of Demons and Devils. He saw Satan sitting next to Lillith. He had a big smile on his face and he was looking directly at him. He looked away and saw Set standing up with a drink in his hand and a cigarette dangling from his lips. Oni and Hades were to the left and to the right of Set. King Ravana was feeding popcorn to Medusa’s hair. He looked away from Medusa, avoiding eye contact from her. He still felt frozen with fear.
“Champ! Are you with me??!! Go get this son-of-a-bitch!” The bell for the 3rd and final round rang. The Challenger was still standing in the middle of the cage. He waved in The Champ, egging him on.
The Champ got up off his stool and started forward. He had one trick left. He switched stances to southpaw. The Challenger noticed the change and hesitated. The Champ faked the jab and came across with a low leg kick. It landed flush on the calf. The Challenger stumbled. The Champ came at him with a jab to the body and a straight left to the jaw. The Challenger covered up. More shots to the body rained down from The Champ.
“Oh Ssshhit! Get him Champ!!!” A large black snake yelled out from somewhere behind the flames.
“Kick his assssssss” he hissed and his long tongue flicked out from his mouth.
The Challenger shot for a double leg takedown but it was easily stuffed by The Champ.
“The pussy is trying to wrestle! Stand and bang pussy!!”, the old lady Yenaldooshi yelled. She was wearing a coyote skin dress and was smoking a long pipe. She blew O’s in the air from her pipe and as the O’s hit the flame, the smoke took the form of coyotes. The smoke coyotes ran around the cage, inside of the flame. They howled.
The Challenger landed a loud kick to the body. He saw The Champ wince. He charged forward and unloaded everything he had left. “This is it! This is my moment!” he thought to himself.
First to the body and then to the head, he pounded away with a barrage of punches. This time it was The Champ who shot for a takedown. He desperately grabbed one leg and spun him around. The Challenger slipped and landed on his back. The Champ was on top swinging wild punches to the head of The Challenger. The Challenger grabbed one wrist and shoved it between his legs as they came up for a triangle choke. He got the legs wrapped around the neck of The Champ and squeezed with all the strength he had left.
“That’s it!! Choke his ass!!” Moloch yelled from the back.
Right as it looked like The Champ might tap out, he lifted up The Challenger and slammed him down. The Challenger let go of the choke. The final bell rang. The Champ helped The Challenger to his feet and hugged him.
“You’re one tough dude!”, he said to him.
“So are you, Champ”, he replied.
They were both a bloody mess. They hugged each other for a second or two. The ref grabbed each one of them by the wrist and walked them to the center of the cage.
“Give it up for our two great fighters!!” yelled the ref into the microphone.
The crowd of Demons and Devils boo’d.
“This fight went to the judge’s decisions and all three judges scored this fight……
He raised both of their hands. The crowd erupted with boo’s and curses.
“A DRAW??!!” Hades yelled!
“NO WAY! HAVE THEM FIGHT TO THE DEATH!”
He threw his beer into the cage.
All of the Devil’s and Demons started to throw their trash into the cage.
They covered their heads and the cage slowly started to rise.
The Champ looked at the Challenger and said, “Looks like we made it out of Hell.”
The challenger looked at him and said, “Hell is home for me bud.” He climbed the fence to the cage and jumped back down into the flames. He yelled up to The Champ,
“I’ll see you soon boy!”
The Champ smiled and waved. The cage continued to rise. The darkness was fading. When the cage stopped on earth, he got out.
“That was an amazing fight, Champ!” his coach said to him. “Listen, I was talking to Satan and God and they want you two guys to fight for their entertainment for eternity. And they are willing to really pay us Champ! I think we should do it! What do you think?”
The Champ started to walk away. He took four steps and stopped. He stared up to the sky. He turned around and smiled, “Count me in.”