Still Becoming

It is 10:17 PM

On a Wednesday night

My head is down

And one arm is up against the wall,

holding me up

A few feet below

Sits the porcelain throne

A steady stream of piss arches into the water

A steady stream of random thoughts

Echo

In the skull

I hear a whisper

‘Bet you can’t create something tonight.’

This ass-hole

The nerve of him

He’s mocking me

My laptop

My fingertips

They whisper,

‘You’re too tired tonight.

Take a break

Relax,

and go to sleep.’

I’ve just gotten done with jiu jitsu

And the body aches like hell

Lately,

I’ve been telling people that I am 30 years old

When I am still 29

And 30 is six months away

Even so

Even after all this time

I smile to myself

Raise my head

Zip up

Flush

Pretend to wash my hands

Brush my teeth

Grab my laptop

And create.

I got a few more rounds left in me tonight.

Earlier today

I was learning more about alchemy

And

Just on a whim

Just out of curiosity

I took to the internet

To see what Astrology has to say

About November 17th

My day of birth

‘Fighter

Doesn’t give up easily,

Seeks honesty

Brave and daring

Charming

Attractive

Born on the Cusp Of Revolution.’

And honestly,

that didn’t sound that bad to me.

If Astrology was a woman

I’d think she was flirting with me

I think I might buy her a drink

And look her in the eyes

and gently push her hair behind her ears

As I bite my lower lip

Yes, that'd be nice…

But unfortunately

Way too many women in this city know the look.

-C.H.

(I’ve really gone after Astrology

So when I say this

Understand that

Thinking

Like pretty much everything else in life

It’s a process

So be forgiving

If I back track

And change my mind on something someday

Just know

It’s all a process for me

I am still becoming.)

-C.H.