Still Becoming
Updated: Jul 5, 2022
It is 10:17 PM
On a Wednesday night
My head is down
And one arm is up against the wall,
holding me up
A few feet below
Sits the porcelain throne
A steady stream of piss arches into the water
A steady stream of random thoughts
Echo
In the skull
I hear a whisper
‘Bet you can’t create something tonight.’
This ass-hole
The nerve of him
He’s mocking me
My laptop
My fingertips
They whisper,
‘You’re too tired tonight.
Take a break
Relax,
and go to sleep.’
I’ve just gotten done with jiu jitsu
And the body aches like hell
Lately,
I’ve been telling people that I am 30 years old
When I am still 29
And 30 is six months away
Even so
Even after all this time
I smile to myself
Raise my head
Zip up
Flush
Pretend to wash my hands
Brush my teeth
Grab my laptop
And create.
I got a few more rounds left in me tonight.
Earlier today
I was learning more about alchemy
And
Just on a whim
Just out of curiosity
I took to the internet
To see what Astrology has to say
About November 17th
My day of birth
‘Fighter
Doesn’t give up easily,
Seeks honesty
Brave and daring
Charming
Attractive
Born on the Cusp Of Revolution.’
And honestly,
that didn’t sound that bad to me.
If Astrology was a woman
I’d think she was flirting with me
I think I might buy her a drink
And look her in the eyes
and gently push her hair behind her ears
As I bite my lower lip
Yes, that'd be nice…
But unfortunately
Way too many women in this city know the look.
-C.H.
(I’ve really gone after Astrology
So when I say this
Understand that
Thinking
Like pretty much everything else in life
It’s a process
So be forgiving
If I back track
And change my mind on something someday
Just know
It’s all a process for me
I am still becoming.)
-C.H.