I wonder
If I will ever let myself understand
That every time I smoke weed
To feel tired enough
To close my eyes
And go to sleep
That what I am really trying to do
Is to escape reality
What I long for
Is a break from life
Some well deserved rest
By getting so high
That sleep just slides in
And when I make myself sleep
I am wishing
For less life
And what is wanting less life
Nothing but wanting to be closer to death?
Smoking weed
Like so many other things
Is a slow poison
That I choose to sip on
But
The question is
Will I ever let myself realize it?
I pack another bowl
Put on another mindless show
And drift off to sleep
Alone in my bed
Knowing that I will never let myself know
What I don’t want to know.
We are all
Masters
Of
Self-deception.
-C.H.