Masters Of Self-deception

I wonder

If I will ever let myself understand

That every time I smoke weed

To feel tired enough

To close my eyes

And go to sleep

That what I am really trying to do

Is to escape reality

What I long for

Is a break from life

Some well deserved rest

By getting so high

That sleep just slides in

And when I make myself sleep

I am wishing

For less life

And what is wanting less life

Nothing but wanting to be closer to death?

Smoking weed

Like so many other things

Is a slow poison

That I choose to sip on

But

The question is

Will I ever let myself realize it?

I pack another bowl

Put on another mindless show

And drift off to sleep

Alone in my bed

Knowing that I will never let myself know

What I don’t want to know.

We are all

Masters

Of

Self-deception.

-C.H.