It's Only Tuesday
All those mornings
I woke up
Excited I was about to see her
And all those little moments we had
In that coffee shop
Probably 30 of them
They didn’t mean fuck all in the end
Her coworkers forced me to ask her out
Because I was too much of a coward to do it myself
They saw all the little moments
Her and I had
That didn’t mean fuck all
I had wanted to ask her out
From the first time I met her
But instead
I made small talk
But it didn’t feel like small talk
It felt familiar
It felt like chemistry
It felt like home
But really
It didn’t mean fuck all
After a few dates
And $2,000 worth of coffee and pastries
She decides that we have more of a friendship connection
I don’t know what to say
But words come out
Pathetic
Sad
Words
About how I am in a bad place right now
And how she deserves better anyway
Pathetic
Sad
Words
That didn’t mean
Fuck all anyways
I want to tell her
That this just happened to me three days ago
With a woman I was having casual sex with
For the last four months
She said she developed feelings for me
And wanted commitment
Or to ‘rip the bandaid off’
I must’ve said I didn’t want to commit
Which sucks because
She was perfect
And the sex was incredible
But I don’t really remember saying it
That I didn’t want to commit
I think it was just implied
By the way I would stare off into the distance
Whenever she’d finish saying something
But I don’t tell the barista
About the casual sex
And the bandaid
I just play with my hat in my hands
Flipping it over and over again
For no reason at all
While I listen to her tell me all the ways we don’t fit
None of which
Actually make sense
Two woman
In three days
And it’s only Tuesday
Then there is the new roommate
And her boyfriend
Who may or may not be living here too
And she
May or may not be the reason for all this
I don’t fucking know anymore
But I have rocks in my stomach
Thinking that everything with her
Won’t mean
Fuck all
In the end.
-C.H.