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How To Approach A Woman

How to approach a woman


Step 1.

Find one.


Step 2

Avoid eye contact.


Step 3

Drink beer.


Step 4

Use quick glances

To see what she’s doing.


Step 5

Drink more beer.


Step 6

Write a shitty poem about her.


Step 7

Pretend to be uninterested.


Step 8

Play out every negative scenario in your head.


Step 9

Try to make eye contact.


Step 10

Repeat step 8.


Step 11

Go the bathroom

make sure nothing is in your teeth.


Step 12

Eat an edible to calm down.


Step 13

Drink more beer to cancel out the paranoia that comes with the edible.


Step 14

Scroll through your phone.


Step 15

Watch her get up and leave.


Step 16

Reflect on how much of pussy you are.


Step 17

Head home

And

Avoid the cops–

While listening to the saddest love songs.


Step 18

Feel overwhelmingly lonely.


Step 19

Go to sleep

And

Try again another day.


-C.H.


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