When I am waking up
from a drunken sleep,
I reach out for you,
but you aren’t there anymore,
my reach hits the cold darkness of the night.
And I am reminded,
I
am
alone.
When I am in my kitchen,
drinking wine
and
making spaghetti
(The one dish you taught me to make
that I still remember)
I dream that you’re there
with me,
dancing drunk in our kitchen,
blasting your music.
“We make spaghetti
when we get upsetti”,
you tell me.
It’s so stupid,
but
it makes me smile.
I wake up from my dream
and see an empty kitchen.
The spaghetti is ruined.
Another victim of the dream…
When I am alone,
on top of a butte,
I look out into the sky,
and cry out for you.
Only the the empty echo of my own voice
answers back.
When I lay out
on a starry summer night,
when every cloud in the sky has disappeared for the night,
and the stars are shining brighter than usual,
I pretend to talk to you.
But only
the voice inside my head
answers me back.
When I hear of a car crash,
where a young woman has died,
I immediately panic,
thinking that it might be you.
My heart sinks
and I fight back tears.
Then I remember,
I’ve been dead to you for a while now.
-C.H.