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An Invitation From The Illuminati

Two women

On instagram

Messaged me today

Claiming to be psychics

And that they were drawn to me

And wanted to do

A 'reading' on me.

I sent the first lady a picture of my palm

And she responded with some bullshit

I bet you can guess how she sounded

Then I felt silly

For thinking

That some psychic on the internet

Could actually ‘read me’

She went on to say that I am cursed

And that if I want to receive my blessings

That we had to break the spell that was holding me back

I said,

‘No thanks.’

Then it happened again

And I told the new psychic that

But she went on

To tell me that the world needed my help

I needed to ‘join the fight for the advancement of the human species’

And she was ‘willing to guide me to enlightenment’

I said,

That I don’t think there is a trick to enlightenment

I think striving towards something like ‘enlightenment’

Is constant practice

While knowing

That we will never get there


A man sent me an invitation to join the illuminati

He said,

‘Based on the membership criterion of the Illuminati,

We find you are of great interest in possession of a good mastery of manual dexterity and academic proficiency. With this, we look at you as the class that will be the platform for which you stand to meet the wealthy people who can raise you to wealth, power, fame, and glory. I strongly recommend that you join us in the illuminati. Joining us you become wealthy and life the life you desire. Do you accept the offer?

I responded with,


And he said,


It was a weird day on the internet.


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