She was the one after the ice queen
Too soon
I knew it
My heart was still unthawing
I told her
From the start
I was too hurt
Too wounded
Couldn’t open up again
Couldn’t trust
Not even myself
Couldn’t be vulnerable
We fell for each other anyways
First
Just as friends
Then
As something else
She was beautiful
So beautiful
Massive calves though
And thighs that could squash a watermelon
Made you think twice about hanging out down there for too long
But a little fear was fun sometimes
She was kind
And she laughed at all my bad jokes
We’d drive around in her jeep
And look up at the stars
At pink moons
Her smile
Her smile was everything
God made it a perfect smile
Radiant
She was funny too
We would laugh and smile
We were happy
Of course I fucked it up
I just wasn’t ready
I got scared
Like I always do
And I pushed her away
I knew she deserved better
And now
Now she has better
I saw her with him for the first time today
I hadn’t really missed her yet
Just here and there
In brief moments of remembrance
I was numb to it
Numb from the ice queen
It was almost a relief when we stopped talking
I didn’t have the pressure anymore
The pressure to be the man you needed
The one you should’ve had
But now
Today
I feel it
After 6 months
I feel the pain of losing you
Or
The pain of never being with you
Of really being there
Not the version of me you knew
The broken version
The illogical version
The guy who was barely holding it together
But me
How I usually am.
Any other time in my life
and you and I could’ve been
But not then
I hate her for screwing us up
I hated that she was always on my mind when I had you in front of me
The frosty cunt
She left me in pieces
And
Unlike Humpty
We couldn’t get me back together.
Now you’re on an Island
With the sunsetting behind you
And you’re being held
In his arms
as the waves crash
and the sun sets
A picture captures a perfect moment
Like pictures pretend to do
And I am here
Smoking my shiity weed
Drinking my shitty wine
With my shitty words
And now
With my regret.