Sid

She was the one after the ice queen

Too soon

I knew it

My heart was still unthawing

I told her

From the start

I was too hurt

Too wounded

Couldn’t open up again

Couldn’t trust

Not even myself

Couldn’t be vulnerable

We fell for each other anyways

First

Just as friends

Then

As something else

She was beautiful

So beautiful

Massive calves though

And thighs that could squash a watermelon

Made you think twice about hanging out down there for too long

But a little fear was fun sometimes

She was kind

And she laughed at all my bad jokes

We’d drive around in her jeep

And look up at the stars

At pink moons

Her smile

Her smile was everything

God made it a perfect smile

Radiant

She was funny too

We would laugh and smile

We were happy

Of course I fucked it up

I just wasn’t ready

I got scared

Like I always do

And I pushed her away

I knew she deserved better

And now

Now she has better

I saw her with him for the first time today

I hadn’t really missed her yet

Just here and there

In brief moments of remembrance

I was numb to it

Numb from the ice queen

It was almost a relief when we stopped talking

I didn’t have the pressure anymore

The pressure to be the man you needed

The one you should’ve had

But now

Today

I feel it

After 6 months

I feel the pain of losing you

Or

The pain of never being with you

Of really being there

Not the version of me you knew

The broken version

The illogical version

The guy who was barely holding it together

But me

How I usually am.

Any other time in my life

and you and I could’ve been

But not then

I hate her for screwing us up

I hated that she was always on my mind when I had you in front of me

The frosty cunt

She left me in pieces

And

Unlike Humpty

We couldn’t get me back together.

Now you’re on an Island

With the sunsetting behind you

And you’re being held

In his arms

as the waves crash

and the sun sets

A picture captures a perfect moment

Like pictures pretend to do

And I am here

Smoking my shiity weed

Drinking my shitty wine

With my shitty words

And now

With my regret.


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